Our Woven Destruction
by imjane
Summary: An orphaned 16 year old is left in the care of Severus Snape until she finishes school at Hogwarts where she reconnects with her childhood friend, Draco Malfoy. OC/Snape/Draco.
1. Chapter 1: Spinner's End

**Chapter 1**

It's hot and humid. The bench is hard wood just like the rest of the floor and the walls of the foyer where I'm supposed to sit and be still. Dark stain, something like espresso. He should have just painted his entire house black, but perhaps the stain makes it look less cheap, if that's possible. My eyes stare at the clock into the living room, basically the only thing I can see from where I'm sitting. The clock and shelves upon shelves upon god- so many damn shelves of books. Maybe he's a librarian. I sigh and turn away from the clock. It's been nearly thirty minutes and I'm getting anxious. Well, more anxious.

Looking out the window is a better idea though it doesn't look much better out there. It's raining, as it does most days here. The smoke from the factories are mixed with the dark clouds to loom above us. It looks like it could be very cold outside, but it's actually hot. I know because I walked five blocks to get here as Mrs. Pepper dragged me along, the bottom of my coat getting wet and dirty with grime from the street.

"So, this is she." A statement instead of a question came from a deep voice behind me that definitely did not belong to Mrs. Pepper.

I swallow and my eyes focus away from the window as I turn my head to the right. A dark figure stands there in the hall, blocking the clock and the million shelves of books. The only thing I can see of Mrs. Pepper is her tall blonde hair peeking over the man's shoulder. The man is rigid and his face is set into a scowl as if I were some hungry street urchin who happened upon his doorstep.

I stand up and face him, as is customary. I feel the ridiculous need to curtsey, we were taught how after all. Though I'm rather clumsy and almost always fall over. It was one of things they taught us at the orphanage, along with other nonsense that we would never use in the real world when we became adults.

When I say nothing, he continues. "My name is Severus Snape, I am the potions master at Hogwarts, where you will be attending for the rest of your school career," he says as a matter of factly, rude.

None of what he says is insulting, but the tone alone sets me on edge. His chin length hair doesn't move as he speaks and are as black as the rest of his clothes. I thought perhaps he would be some cheery old man. Maybe a grandfather who misses the noise of children running about in his home—children and grandchildren that would visit and make me feel like I'm part of a family. Nowhere in the foyer or what I've seen of the living room suggests that he has any family.

I nod, "What should I call you, Sir?" Severus or Mr. Snape? Or perhaps Professor Snape? Or even better, Tall Rude Man. I already don't like him. This was not what I expected.

He doesn't anticipate this question, perhaps he hadn't thought about it. "Sir is fine. But you have not introduced yourself." He crosses his arms over his chest. Curt. Short. I really do not like him. I want to look at Mrs. Pepper and give her my poor puppy eyes and pout, but he is blocking her.

"Alice Taylor, Sir." I realize my need to curtsey isn't really a need at all, I just want to be smart and piss him off. But Mrs. Pepper is still here and she would kill me if I angered the last and only person that can take me in. I suppose this place is better than the streets. I switch my weight between my right and left feet, one of my many tells that show my anxiety. Mrs. Pepper pushes past SIR Severus Snape and walks to me.

"Alice, I know this is difficult for you. But Mr. Snape is a good man and he'll take care of you," she begins to tear up, her nose and cheeks flush red.

I look down at her gloved hands holding my gloved hands. She pulls me in towards her and wraps her arms around me. She's overweight, so her hands barely connect behind me because of her fat arms. I hold on to her, she's not my mother or anyone really close to me. In fact, I've only known her for three months. Three months since my parents died and left me parentless and family-less. But Mrs. Pepper understands my pain, so I like her. I'm not sure if I'll ever see her again. I squeeze her tighter as I feel a tear drop down my cheek. Then another tear and another until I'm sobbing into her coat and my coffee-brown stringy hair that smells like factory smoke.

Mrs. Pepper shushes me and kisses me on the cheeks. "Be good. Write me letters, alright?"

I follow her to the door which shuts behind her. I press my face to the window, the tiny, tiny window on the door and I watch her figure walk down the street with the black umbrella and she's gone.

I don't move. The clock behind me ticks and with each tick it gets louder and louder with the silence that has fallen between us. Each tick is painful as it stretches time. I hear his feet move on the floor, then he clears his throat.

Quickly, I wipe my tears and turn to him, then grab the two suitcases which house the only things I have left in this world.

He turns abruptly and walks up the stairs, each stair creaking beneath his weight. "Mrs. Pepper said you went to a private school for witches." Another statement, not a question.

I nod, but realize he can't see me behind his back. Perhaps the eyes on the back of his head are too covered up by his greasy black hair. "Yes, sir."

He stops in front of a room. It's bland with grayish yellow painted walls. There's a bed, a night stand with a lamp, and a dresser. "This is where you will be sleeping. You are sixteen and I expect you to act like a young adult. In saying so, you are allowed to go about in and out of the house as you please, however your curfew is at 10 o'clock every night. If you wish to eat dinner, it is at 6:30 in the dining room. No visitors allowed inside the house and no loud music."

It took him almost five minutes to say all that because of the way he spoke. Slow, as if I was some idiot. I stop myself from rolling my eyes and bite my tongue. He expects me to go inside, so I do. He turns to leave, his cloak flowing behind him as he makes his way down the stairs.

His presence somehow makes the room colder, somehow makes me feel more alone than ever. My parents are gone. Mrs. Pepper is gone. I'm alone in this house with this rigid, distant man that will probably just pretend I don't exist until school starts again.

I kick the door shut and it slams, harder than I anticipated. Then it bursts open, a flash of light- like lightning, bursts on the door. "And no slamming of doors!"

* * *

Author's Note: Thanks to StacPolly for doing an analysis of this first chapter. I've edited this chapter (up to Chapter 4) based on her analysis. They mainly had to do with tenses, passive voice, character speech patterns, and overall dialogue.

This is my first time writing in first person/present tense, so I will get them mixed up a lot. Thanks for being patient with me.

There are a lot of things I leave out on the first few chapters, but I promise that they will get answered later on as the story progresses. Alice's character will also begin to show in later chapters, for now I'm only letting readers see some of the more obvious things that people would usually see with people they just meet. If you do have questions about something and you're worried that they won't get answered because you've read a few chapters already and you still don't have the answer, just let me know. Perhaps there is something I missed.

I'm not writing for reviews, but I do like to get reviews so I know what I'm doing right so I can keep doing them, and what I need to work on. I love blunt reviews, so don't be afraid to lay it on me.


	2. Chapter 2: Dinner

**Chapter 2**

Living in this house is a bore. At least at the orphanage I had people to talk to even though I was the oldest kid there. Just three months, all I have to do is make it three months and then I'd be at Hogwarts. Then after graduating Hogwarts, I'll be free. No more living with people, especially not Tall Rude Man. Who, by the way, doesn't even talk to me. We have probably exchanged a total of three words with each other since I arrived here a few days ago.

I sneak past the living area where I know he's sitting reading the paper and listening to classical music. I go into the kitchen as my stomach grumbles. There's food there, mostly leftovers. It was odd, he always cooked dinner. Never takeaway or frozen foods or anything like that, not that he could have frozen foods since he didn't have a microwave.

I heat up some pasta for lunch in the oven and as soon as I click the buttons, the music from the living area stops.

"Ms. Taylor." The deep voice commands my presence. I sigh, frustrated, what could he possibly want? I hesitate before going into the living area. My socks are slick on the wood floor, that's the first thing he looks at when I go in. My purple socks.

"Yes, Sir?" I stop at the doorway and don't go any further. There are even more books here than yesterday. That's probably what he does with all his money, just buy books. He certainly doesn't use it to fix his house up. There are cabinets with broken handles and the lightbulb in my bathroom flickers.

He folds up the paper. "Do you like sushi?"

The question surprises me and I almost laugh. He didn't seem like the type of person to like sushi. I shrug, "I've never had it."

He sighs as if he expected such an answer coming from me. "You don't read, you don't listen to classical music, you don't know how to cook, and you've never had sushi." Statements, or more like accusations, as if there was seriously something wrong with never having sushi.

I cross my arms defensively. What was his point? I try to keep a straight face since Mrs. Pepper had pointed out my face would be a problem. I'm already good at biting my tongue, she told me once. But my face was another story. I wore my emotions on my sleeves and my face showed everything I was feeling and thinking.

"I am making sushi tonight for dinner, if you do not have plans, maybe you will join me." His non-questions annoy me. It's like he's telling me what to do without actually telling me. I say nothing and stand there.

It's something else I didn't expect- sushi, dinner... I shift my weight between my left and right foot, he looks down at my socks again. I feel like a child. "Okay," I say nodding- not I'll join you, or I have other plans. He doesn't wait for me to say something else before he unfolds the paper and put it over his face again.

I bought a dress and shoes. It was stupid, but I didn't have anything to wear to dinner. Each time I left to go have dinner on my own at some shop downtown, I'd see him sitting at the dining table by himself in a formal-ish clothes. He wore all black, so it could very well just be the same clothes he wears, minus the robe. But it was a lot more formal compared to the clothes I had which were mostly graphic tees, jeans, or shorts. The only shoes I had were trainers and I couldn't wear that with a dress.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Plain black dress with sleeves to my elbow and a gray flats. I turned the side and looked at my breasts, god they were tiny. My hair is flat and stringy, as it usually is, and looks out of place with my clothes. It's stubborn and doesn't want to do anything, so I end up putting it in a lose bun with some strands hanging off the sides of my face. Better.

My reflection looks back at me with a smile, then I roll my eyes and sigh. I don't know why I'm trying to be presentable anyways. It's not like I'm trying to impress him or make him think I'm not just a child. I'm sixteen! I'm basically an adult, what does it matter what I wear? But the way he spoke to me in the living room earlier that day hit something. Maybe I needed to grow up.

My parents are gone and each day they aren't there just makes the hole inside my chest bigger. I cling on to my childhood because that's when I was happiest, because that's when my parents were still alive. Only three months, it had only been three months and the wound is as fresh as the first day.

I enter the dining room and stop. He has two plates ready, each on opposing sides of the square table. He's putting food in the middle, I assume it's sushi because they look like white logs. For a moment, we stare at each other. He's wearing something different. Still black, but different. A normal black long sleeve that reaches to the middle of his palms and dark jeans. He looks… odd.

Dammit, I'm overdressed. My face flushes because now he definitely knows I tried to look presentable. He continues preparing the table and doesn't say anything. I stand there, not knowing what to do but switch my weight between each foot and play with the longest strand of my hair that hangs from the side of my face.

Then he slides a chair out and looks at me. I stare at him for the longest time before I realize what he wants. He wants me to sit. My eyes widen as I walk quickly to the chair, but then my foot trip on the side of the rug and I fall flat on my face.

I don't want to get up. My face is red and I'm so embarrassed that I feel like I'm going to cry. I'm so stupid, why do I even care? But before a moment even passes, he grabs my arms and helps me up.

"Are you hurt?" His deep voice sounds concerned. Then I realize: a question. A real question. Not a remark or a statement. But a question. That's new.

I shake my head and don't look at him in the eyes, wishing that I hadn't put my hair up so that I could hide my face behind it. "I'm okay," I mumble as I sit on the chair.

"You didn't have to buy a dress for dinner," he said as soon as he sits down.

"I didn't," I say too quickly, too defensively. Then we don't say anything for a long time. The sushi is actually good; I expected raw fish and slimy texture, but I don't even taste the fish. The next roll has crunchy shrimp and is even better than the first.

Minutes pass and I eat slower. Still we don't say anything and I feel it becoming unbearable. He looks at me when he think I can't see him. And I look at him when he isn't looking, mostly because I'm still in shock by the way he's dressed. I had no idea he even owned a pair of jeans, though to be honest I barely know him. Since the first day I came here, I see for the first time, that he seems very sad about something. Usually he's expressionless, or angry, or annoyed. But just for a flicker of a moment, he looked sad. I look away and don't look at him anymore until the plates are empty.

Dinner is over. He begins putting the plates away and doesn't say anything else. I walk to the kitchen sink and stand beside him as he washes the dishes and then he hands them to me. I take the towel and dry them. The silence isn't unbearable anymore.

Then when we're done in the kitchen, he walks to the living area and lights the fire with his wand. The room get warmer almost instantly. He sits on his chair and plays some music as he begins to read by the light of the fire and lamp.

The night is over and I walk up the stairs, careful with my steps so I don't fall for the second time.

Laying on my bed barefoot, but still wearing the black dress, I look up at the ceiling. He's sad. Mrs. Pepper never told me anything about him except he was a man who lived in Cokeworth. I realize that anyone in his position would be sad. He was alone and from I could tell, had been alone for most of his life. Maybe, just maybe, Tall Rude Man wasn't really rude. Maybe he's just been so used to being alone.


	3. Chapter 3: The Rat

**Chapter 3**

I decide that tonight, I'm going to cook dinner for us. I take the bus to the library and spend all morning there. I read as many books as I can about basic cooking. Then after about four books, I'm ready to find a recipe. My handwriting looks like chicken scratches on the notebook where I write the ingredients and directions.

I wish my mother had taught me how to cook, but she herself didn't know. We had house elves that cooked and cleaned for us so I never had to do any of that myself, nor did my mother.

After that first dinner with the sushi, we had dinner together every night. And after dinner, I'd go back upstairs to my room. We talked a little more, though most of our times in the same room was spent silently. I don't mind the silence so much now. He's still rude a lot and it still pisses me off, but at the end of the night when I stare at the ceiling from my bed, I'm less upset. I remember how lonely he must be after all these years. It's easy to forgive someone when you begin to understand things about them.

When I get to the market, I realize that I've never been to a market to shop for food either. Everything is so new and I have no idea what anything is that I have to read every label. By the time I'm finished, it's almost evening. I take the brown bag of groceries and go home… Home. This is the first time I actually refer to the house on Spinner's End as home.

Upon reaching the stairs, I turn the doorknob, but it doesn't open. I never lock the door behind me when I leave and Mr. Snape never locks me out. I wiggle the doorknob again, "Um… Hello?" I call inside. "You locked the door."

There's some shuffle from inside and the door opens. I smile, but my smile quickly leaves when I see a man behind the door. He's fat and balding with hairs all over his face and grimy long nails. One of his hand isn't a hand, but a fake silver one. I take a step back, part from fright and part from confusion. My head swivels left and right, thinking I'd gone to the wrong house.

He gives me a suspicious look with wide eyes before his body is pushed away from the doorway. "Go, Wormtail!" Mr. Snape's voice yells.

The man named Wormtail scurries away, though I don't know where he disappears to.

I'm afraid to go inside, but Mr. Snape opens the door all the way and tells me to come in, "I will get you a key to the house."

I go in and look at him, I don't see the point of having a key. The door should just be unlocked as it has been since I started living here. What did he have to fear that he couldn't leave the door unlocked in the day time when I'm gone? But I say nothing.

I make my way to the kitchen and he follows directly behind me. He watches me take out the food from the bag, his lips slightly pursed and his eyebrows just slightly raised. "Yes, I'm going to cook," I sigh with a smile, answering his non-verbal question, forgetting all about the strange man that's somewhere in the house.

He gives me something like a smirk. Another first. It makes me grin which makes him scowl, probably realizing the reason behind my grin. He clears his throat and moves away towards a wall. "Is there anything I can help with?"

"No, Sir. I'm going to make this on my own," I say confidently, thinking that all my reading and research is enough. He nods and is about to walk away when I stop him. "By the way, who was that man?"

He hesitates, probably considering whether he should tell me or not. "Just Wormtail." Short answer, I wait for more but he doesn't continue.

"And…. What is a Wormtail?"

The side of his lip pulls as if he's trying his hardest not to laugh. "He is here for a while, a favor for a… friend."

Friend? I wonder. He's never talked about any friends, then again, he doesn't talk that much. "How long is a while?" I ask. I didn't want to be rude, but this heavy weight on my chest doesn't want to leave and it tells me not to trust this Wormtail person.

"A few weeks maybe," he says and walks away. Discussion over. I really hate it when he does that.

I make dinner for three. After re-cooking the undercooked meat, burning some of the vegetables, and spilling too much spice on part of the meats. Wormtail doesn't eat dinner with us. Instead, he is told to take the food to his room and to leave us alone. I feel bad for Wormtail, but I can't shake the feeling that something is very, very wrong with him being here. I don't feel safe.

I know the food is too spicy and the meat too chewy, but Mr. Snape doesn't say anything about it. We go about dinner as we usually do. Mostly silent, but sometimes we talk about things. Tonight, I tell him about my trip to the library and the market and how I've never gone shopping for food. He asks if I need money to buy foods or anything else that I want. This takes me by surprise because he's never asked this before, not even when I was eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner at restaurants.

I shake my head; my parents were wealthy and left me a sum of money. I could probably live my entire life with the funds they left behind without ever working.

He tells me about a book he's been reading on potions and something he's working on, a concoction of sorts. I'm not good at potions, so I don't follow what he's saying, but I listen anyways and nod and ask questions at the right moments. This seems to be enough for him because he talks a great deal more than he usually does.

By the time we're finished with our foods, our noses are runny. I take a glass of milk and down it, trying to quench the fire on my tongue and when it does nothing to help, I mumble out a slew of curses which makes him turn away from me. I see his shoulder shake slightly.

"Will you join me?" He asks as he heads to the living area and I begin to ascend the stairs.

This is the first time he's asked. My hand caresses the rail of the stairs before I nod and follow him. He takes his usuall seat while I take the one beside it.

He hands me a book: I Rise with the Sun. The cover shows a hill with a sun setting in the background; the back has short summary and two sentences about the author who is a witch. I raise my eyebrows at him, "this sounds like a cheesy love story."

He smirks and opens his own book, something that has to do with potions. "I have a suspicion you will like it," he says and things fall silent between us.

* * *

Down the hall, the rat scurries in his room. He listens to Severus's conversation with the girl. This was not the Severus he knew. This man was someone else, someone soft. He creeps closer to the door, opens it just a little and peers out down the hall. The fire in the living area is lit and the music plays.

Wormtail changes, his body shrinking as he turns into a rat. He sneaks down the hall and follows the light from the fire, making sure his movements are slight. He doesn't enter the room, no, Severus would see him right away. Instead, he stays by the entrance of the room and listens in. He hears nothing else though. Just the music and turning of pages.

Who was this girl? What was she doing here? And most of all, what kind of affect did she have on Severus?


	4. Chapter 4: The Monster Under My Bed

**Chapter 4**

I toss and turn in my sleep. My eyes open and all I see is darkness in the cold room. The window shows the bricks of the house next door. The curtains are open and so is the window. It must have opened by itself since the lock doesn't work. I forgot to put my hair tie around the knobs to keep them from opening like I usually do.

I walk over the window and wrap my hair tie around it. I wish Mr. Snape would fix it, I'll have to ask him about tomorrow. I lay back on my bed and begin to close my eyes when I hear my bedroom door creek. My eyes shoot open and I tense. My fingers grasp the thin sheets over me. My back is to the door so I can't see anything. There's no light from the hall since Mr. Snape usually turns all the lights out.

My breathing becomes heavy. The door creeks again and I feel myself getting colder. I want to speak, but my voice is gone and I'm too frightened. I want to run, but where would I run to? I want to put the sheet over my head and just pretend that no one is there. But then they'd see me move. I'm frozen.

The door creeks again and my fear hits it limit. I sit up and reach for the lamp and turn it on as I simultaneously grab my wand and point it at the door.

No one. Nothing. The door is only opened slightly, not wide enough for someone to come through. My heart is beating so fast I fear it will jump out of chest. I breathe. Then breathe again. And again until my heart slows to a normal steady pace. My hands are shaking.

I push my back to the headboard and pull my legs close to my chest as I hold on to my wand. I sit there for an hour, but my body refuses to move. My mind doesn't want sleep. I'm too frightened to sleep, to let my guard down.

I look at my clock, it's not even midnight yet. I try to lay down, this time with my eyes to the door and the light on. After what seems like only a few seconds, I begin to feel tired again and my eyes slowly fall as I drift- creeeaaakkkk….

I sit up as my heart tries to jump out of my chest and I look at the door, my fingers wrapped tightly around my wand. Damn door! My nerves jump around everywhere and I feel so frightened I want to cry. I keep the whimper that threatens to escape out my lips as I hear tiny scratching sounds on the floor.

I push my back against the headboard again and hug my knees. Tiny scratches. Tiny, tiny scratches under my bed. I want to scream but I hold it back; if I scream it might just come out and grab me.

The minutes tick into hours until a faint glow starts at my window. The glow gets brighter and brighter and the sun is up. My eyes have remained at the door and the floor around my bed the whole night. Too afraid to close and lock the door, too afraid to move, too afraid to even close my eyes.

Footsteps walk around the hall upstairs before descending one stair at a time. There's noise in the kitchen. Within minutes I smell breakfast. I don't move. An hour passes. Then there are footsteps coming up the stairs, they stop by my door. It creaks open slightly and I flinch, my bottom lip shakes. I know it's Mr. Snape but the creak of the door scratches at my insides like nails on a chalkboard.

There's a knock. **"Ms. Taylor?"** Mr. Snape's voice sounds from behind the door. **"Ms. Taylor?"** he says again after a few seconds of silence. I put my head down on my knees, too ashamed and too frightened for him to see me. I don't want him to see me like this, like a frightened child.

The door opens. I wipe my eyes against my knees and look up. His brows furrow and the corners of his lips pull downwards. **"What is wrong?"** two quick strides and he's beside my bed.

I shake my head, **"nothing."** I don't want him to think of me as a child who's afraid of monsters under her bed.

He looks at me for a moment and I look back at him, his face darkens. **"It's nothing,"** I break eye contact.

 **"Breakfast is ready."**

I'm afraid to put my feet on the floor, so I put my socks on, as if that will help protect me from the monster under my bed. I leap off the bed and walk quickly out the door with Mr. Snape behind me.

* * *

Severus stares into her eyes, she is lying. There is something. Something had… frightened her. His mind begins to move towards her, begins to unravel the walls of her mind with the intent to completely invade it and find out exactly what had happened. But he stops just as he is about to enter her mind. He reels back slowly. No. He can't do that. He will not cross the threshold into her mind.

She looks away from him and he looks at the window with a hair tie wrapped around the knobs. Perhaps something outside frightened her. He makes a mental note to fix the window. He looks back at her and he does not need Legilimency to know that she had not slept all night.


	5. Chapter 5: Breaking Rules

**Chapter 5**

I'm not sure what time Mr. Snape goes to sleep, but I know that I'm fast asleep before I even hear him walk up the stairs. Last night left me too scared to go upstairs to my room. In fact, I haven't been in my room since the morning when Mr. Snape came in to ask what was wrong. Another fact, I left the house right after breakfast.

All day, I am on edge. Every tiny sound makes me jump. I missed dinner, for the first time since Sushi night. I walked around downtown under the smog of factory smoke and preferred it to being in the house.

My watch reads 10:20 and I've missed curfew. I knew I was going to miss it when the clock struck 9. I also knew I wasn't going to go back when the clock struck 10. But here I am, in front of the door to the house that I don't want to go into. There's a monster under my bed and I'm too afraid. What's more, I'm too embarrassed to tell Mr. Snape about it because he'll probably just laugh at me.

Poor little orphan Alice. Doesn't like to read. Doesn't listen to classical music. Always tripping over her own feet. Burns food. And now, she's afraid of a monster hiding under her bed.

I'm about to just walk away when the door opens and Mr. Snape looks down at me.

"You are late," the scowl on his face says it all. I'm in trouble, but I knew that from the beginning.

"I lost track of time."

"Be that as it may, you are still late."

I walk inside, rolling my eyes as I pass him. I don't go upstairs, instead I go into the living area and plop on my usual chair, my legs hang over one of the arms as I stare into the fire.

"As punishment, you will have potion lessons tomorrow," he looms over me.

"Punishment!?" My body sits up as I plant my feet on the floor, but do not stand. My own parents have never punished me for anything, not even when I break curfew. "You can't do that! I'm not one of your students!"

He raises his brows and crosses his arms over his chest, a signature move. "Not _yet_. However, you still live in my house and as long as you do, you will abide by my rules."

This time I stand. HIS house. HIS rules. Nothing is mine. I have no space. I can't even go into the room that is designated as 'mine' because it now belongs to the stupid monster under my stupid bed.

"This is so unfair! It wasn't like I was doing anything, I just—" I stop, my mouth thinning. My ears heat as my hands turn into fists. As I run upstairs, my feet stomp loudly. I don't go into my room, but instead into the bathroom. I slam the door behind me, it opens rapidly with a flash of light bursting into it. UGH! I slam the door again in anger, and again, the flash of light opens it.

I hold down a scream, a slew of curses, and my fists, which want to break the door into a million pieces. I stare at the open door, breathing heavily through my nose before I shut it slowly, quietly.

Fine! I sit on top of the toilet seat until I hear him turn in for the night. After an hour, I slowly open the bathroom door and peer outside. Silence. Emptiness. My eyes glare down the hall towards my room. The door is open, but I refuse to go in there. Sighing, I close the door to the bathroom and sit on top of the toilet seat until I begin to get tired.

I know I can't stay in the bathroom all night. I shake off sleepy by washing my face and standing. My anger has dissipated but I'm still upset at Mr. Snape.

Another hour and I'm so tired and want to lay down that I'm not even upset at Mr. Snape anymore. But I still don't want to go to my room where the monster lurks. I turn the light on in the hall and walk to Mr. Snape's bedroom. The door is closed but unlocked.

I bite my lip and shake my head. This is stupid. Just go to your room and sleep. There's nothing there! There's no such thing as monsters! Wrong- only muggles think that. I breathe and open the door. I peer inside and study Mr. Snape sleeping under the covers in his bed. His chest rises and falls beneath the blanket.

The window in his room doesn't face a wall. The moon provides light through the window and I see that he is alone. Of course he is, why would anyone be in here? I cross through the door and close it. There's a chaise in the corner of the room where I make my way to and lay down.

At multiple times during the night, I wake up cold and shivering, my toes completely frozen.

I am in between sleep and waking as a pillow slips under my head and a thick blanket covers me. My shivering stops and I fall into my dream once more.


	6. Chapter 6: A Friend of the Family

**Chapter 6**

My bag empties as I dump the contents on to the couch-bed that I now occupy in Mr. Snape's room. It's been days since I slept in my own room, the door to it remains closed. Mr. Snape never asked and I never offered to explain. One night, I simply found a couch bed where the chaise used to be.

Scrolls, quills, and notes fall out. The last thing to fall on the bed is a letter addressed to me at my school in the States. My old school, I should say. I stare at it, the words drifting towards me like smoke. Finally, I pick it up and open it. I haven't opened the letter in about three months. It looks different from the first time I saw it. The stains from my tears smudged some of the words; some of the letters have disappeared completely.

My parents were dead, the letter said. I needed to come home, the letter said. I would be taken care of, the letter said. I fight the urge to crumple up the letter, rip it into a thousand pieces, and burn each piece one by one. Rage begins to fill me. First they send me away, then they leave me completely. Tears threaten to fall, but I fight it off. There was no use in crying… No use at all- The first tear falls. My hand reaches up and wipes it away, but then more tears follow and I'm so desperate to make the tears stop that I cry even harder.

"I expected you to be delighted," Mr. Snape enters the room quietly. "A whole night to yourself."

I turn away from him so he doesn't see my wet and splotchy face, then occupy my time by filling bag with pajamas and an extra set of clothes. I don't need much, it's only for one night.

The thought of having the house to myself for the whole night feared me. Wormtail would be gone, that part gave me relief. But Mr. Snape being gone, too? Not so much. I've never had the house to myself and just being in a different room made me wary. The house was only home when he was in it. I'm fully aware of this fact, fully aware that I had become dependent on his presence. Does he notice it too?

"And be bored to death?" My voice is cheery, near laughing as my own smile fools me.

"You find my presence thrilling?"

I hesitate. My stomach flips inside me. A question or a statement? I can't tell. My mind rewinds so I can remember the tone of his voice, but it slips away and I can't remember. I can't remember if perhaps his tone was teasing or curious. Too much time has passed. I continue to pack, ignoring his question/statement. Merlin, why is he so infuriatingly cryptic!?

My bag slings over one shoulder and I turn, hoping that my face doesn't betray me.

Our eyes meet and I'm hooked. Two dark pools pull me in, everything around us haze until they're gone, my body stands in front of his, his stands in front of mine, our gravities pull towards each other, my mind muddles, I can't think because time is standing still and so are my thoughts.

Me and him.

That's the only reality I know.

"Have a safe trip." My mouth breaks the eternity spent between us like a mirror shattering. The distance between us hasn't changed. He and I are standing in the same spot we had been when I turned. Did he feel it too? Did he spend an eternity looking into my eyes?

"I will return tomorrow evening," his palms turn into loose fists. He told me this last night. He needed to see a colleague with an emergency. I asked him what happened, he dismissed my question.

My feet carry me out the room and down the stairs. There are no hugs or goodbyes.

xxxxx

"Alice!" Draco walks down the stairs to greet me. "Mother said you would be spending the night. Just like the old days."

I scoff and smile, "I hope not like the old days!"

He pulls me into a tight hug that makes it seem like years had passed since I had last seen him. But it was only last summer, at one of my family's dinners. My arms are squeezed between us and I am hostage to his embrace, though I don't fight it.

"Come on, it's been forever since you spent the night," he lets go of me and gives me sideways grin that slams be back to my twelve year old self. The twelve year old Alice who followed Draco around like a lost puppy, who did everything Draco wanted to do, who wrote _Draco and Alice Forever_ in her notebooks.

I follow him upstairs to my old guest bedroom. It doesn't look like anyone's used it since I last stayed the night. In fact, my old stuffed unicorn was still on the bed. Besides from my unicorn, the room is clean and free of dust.

Draco plops on the bed and grabs the unicorn. "Look it's Mr. Bonbon!" he grins before shaking his head, "Oh you were such a child."

I snatch the unicorn from him, "I was twelve! Of course I was a child!"

He laughs deeply, his head leans back against the pillow as his arms cross over his stomach.

 _Unhg._

His laughter sends butterflies into my stomach and my heart is warm, something fuzzy is in my chest. My knees weaken and I fight to stay standing. I'm twelve all over again.

"Oh come on Alice," he says after he is finally able to compose himself. "We're going to have so much fun."

"If your idea of fun is locking me in the basement or forcing me to eat bugs, count me out." I huff as I sit on the side of the bed, my arms wrapped protectively around Mr. Bonbon.

This sends Draco into a fit laughter, probably remembering all the 'good times'. I shake my head and begin to get up when he pulls my arm. My body stays planted on the bed as he sits up.

I roll my eyes and turn my face away from him, but he moves to the other side so I'm looking at him once more. A strand of his platinum blonde hair falls over one eye.

"We were kids. I won't lock you in or make you do anything you don't want to do, alright?... I've changed."


	7. Chapter 7: Blurred Lines

**Chapter 7**

"You don't look well." I study his face. Not sick, but distracted and worried.

He says nothing as he eats dinner.

"Is everything okay?" I try again.

Mr. Snape nods but says nothing once more. He doesn't meet my eyes and it sends me on edge. He always looks at me in the eyes. It's become a comfort to me. Have I done something wrong that he doesn't want to talk to me now? I bite my lips and shrug the overnight bag that I'm still carrying.

"Well. I'm glad you're home." I'm desperate now. Desperate for him to say something to me. I want to hear his voice.

He looks up at me now, our eyes meet. "So am I."

His voice eases my tension and I see a flicker of a smile on his face, which makes me smile. Thump-thump, my heart skips a beat.

"Did Draco behave himself?" Mr. Snape asks as I'm drinking water. The question catches me off guard that I the water precariously balance just above my windpipe. I force air up and clear my throat to prevent myself from choking on the water.

"Yes." Draco had behaved himself that night. He didn't lock inside rooms or make me eat bugs or dare me to steal anything. What he did do was shamelessly flirt with me, which was both exciting and ..somehow.. wrong. Though I had stayed the night at the Malfoy's house numerous times, I had never had the aching emptiness that I had last night. I wasn't afraid of danger, nothing like that. It was more that I felt something missing.

"Narcissa Malfoy tells me he tortured you when you were children," he speaks again, eyeing me. Silence, the same silence I was so comfortable with is freezing cold as it settles over us.

I'm a child hiding something. Some secret that I don't want him to know. Maybe I'm embarrassed to tell him. No. Not embarrassed. Afraid. I don't want him to know because I don't want him to see me differently. I have betrayed some unspoken thing between us that for all I know is just my imagination.

I shrug casually, "Children." I turn the subject, asking him about his trip. About his 'colleague' and the 'emergency'. Now it's his turn to be short and dismissive. He's usually like this with most things, but tonight I forgive his mysteriousness even faster because now, we're even. I stop asking. He stops asking.

I consider going back to my room and sleeping in there but shivers run up my spine and gooseflesh cover my body just with the thought of the monster that might be lurking in there. My room is contaminated and I'm not sure if I'll ever feel safe inside it again.

"Perhaps you would be more comfortable sleeping on the bed," he says as I pull out the couch-bed.

An image of his arms wrapped around me while we lay in bed quickly flashes into my mind and is gone within the second, but it leaves me flushed and warm… And slightly embarrassed.

He sees my face redden, "I mean that I will sleep in your room and you will sleep here."

My embarrassment dissipates, rejection quickly filling in its place. Did he not want me around? One corner of my mouth turns up into a snarl, "You know what. Just forget it! Keep your bloody room, I'll go sleep downstairs!"

My threat is empty. I really don't want to sleep downstairs or my room or his room—without him near me. His presence is the only thing that keeps the fear away. I don't know WHY. I can't explain HOW. But it just does. His presence is like a blanket of warmth against the bitter, icy cold. My wand makes me feel able. But he makes me feel…. Invulnerable. As if nothing bad can touch me.

He grabs my arm as I walk past him, stopping me.

"Do not walk away from me."

My lips tightened into a line as try I yank my arm away unsuccessfully. His face is a scowl, the same one he wore when he saw me for the first time. My jaw tightens as my teeth press against each other. There's a throbbing in my head that is dangerously close to splitting my head open.

I open my mouth to allow it to say whatever it wants, I don't care if it's hurtful, but before I do, he sighs. His grip on my arm loosens.

"Just… Tell me, what is the matter?" His voice is weak, defeated.

The fear appears, reminding me that it still exists. "Nothing," my voice is small, weak, and mousy.

He steps towards me. Close. This is the closest we've ever been. His puts his hands on my shoulders. "Nothing can hurt you here."

I shake my head. "You're wrong," my voice is shaking. Merlin these bloody tears! I blink profusely, making them go back into my body. My tears. My bloody tears always spilling out every time I feel an intense emotion. I might as well hold up a giant sign that says THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ALICE, SOMEONE HELP HER.

And then…. And then before I can stop myself or he can stop me, I push my body towards him and bury my face into his chest. THIS is the closest we've ever been.

He wraps his arms around me as my body melts against him. His heart thumps into my ears, slightly faster than normal. My heart reflects his and beats with the same rhythm. There's a warmth in my chest that grows until it fills my entire body.

I've felt something similar to this before. With Draco, but- not like with Draco. This time, with Severus Snape, I am safe, I am whole.

I look up at him, my chin resting on his chest. He looks down. His eyes, like dark pools, pull me in and it's just me and him in this great big world.

* * *

Severus could not have stopped it.

She looks up at him with those brown eyes, the moon reflecting off them. There are no walls around her mind to protect them from invasion. Not that he is searching for a way in. It just…. Happens. Like falling. As if she is pulling him into her eyes and her mind. It happens so fast and so easily that he does not realize it is even happening at all.

There is a monster under her bed. The monster's intents crawl over her skin. Every possible outcome that resonates from the monsters thoughts, she feels. But she cannot express them. All she knows is what she feels, and what she feels is fear. A debilitating fear that consumes her because somewhere deep down, she knows the results of all those possibilities. Death.

But she is so young, so inexperienced that she pushes away this knowledge and focuses on the fear. She grips the fear as tightly as it grips her and they swing in an endless cycle.

Her memories take him to a new place.

"I don't want to go to some bloody school in the States! I want to go to Hogwarts!" a young Alice is red in the face, her voice screechy.

Alice's mother is stern, cold, and distant. "Do not raise your voice at me."

"You're evil! I hate you!" Alice yells before a hand slaps across her face, the corner of mouth bleeds and a single tear falls over her cheek.

Her mother straights her back. "Now, go change into a dress, none of those jean things. Proper ladies do not wear jeans… We are having the Malfoys over for dinner. Narcissa is my oldest friend and you will not embarrass me again tonight."

Her mind continues to let him roam, showing him every corner of her thoughts until he finds it. It. The salvation that is him. He does not just see himself from her eyes, he feels what she feels towards him. This warmth and safety that he had never known. Something more than romantic love. Something deeper. Like her soul knows a truth that she does not. She cannot explain it or put it into words.

Severus is so caught up in the intensity of her emotion that he leans down, his hand gently under her chin, and kisses her. She does not hesitate as she parts her lips and kisses him back. Two souls merge into one as his mind swirls inside her, learning all her secrets.


	8. Chapter 8: The Vow

**Chapter 8**

"We could get dinner later," Draco offered, a bit more relaxed now than when we first got here.

I didn't want to stay in Diagon Alley past evening. "This was your mum's idea, wasn't it?" I accuse him. He'd sent me an owl to meet him at Diagon Alley and we'd spent the better part of the afternoon just shopping around, me with a bag of sweets.

He feigns a scoff. "Alright, yes, she did say I should go see you. But the date was my idea."

"Date?"

"If you agree to dinner."

Twelve-year-old Alice would have jumped at this. Would have squealed with joy. Would have bounced up and down. But Severus's kiss appears in my mind. The image is so strong that I fear Draco will see it, so I force myself to think of something else.

"I can't. I'm supposed to cook dinner tonight," I make up an excuse.

"Must be weird living with him," casually leads me to the doors of a restaurant. He laughs at my unimpressed stare, "What? It's not dinner. It's… an after lunch snack."

He leads me to the back of the restaurant where it's darker and we have privacy. A lot of privacy. Instead of sitting across from me, he sits beside me. My heart thumps loudly. Can he hear it? I can't deny that I still have feelings for Draco. Each time he smiles, those twelve-year-old feelings re-emerge stronger than ever.

"Why are you being so… nice… to me?" I ask as he inches closer, our shoulders touching. I still think this is one of his dirty tricks.

"We're friends aren't we?" His sideways grin pulls at my heart.

"Friends!?" I laugh, "Like we were friends when you threw me in the pond because I wouldn't kiss a frog?"

He laughs at this. I think I see a tear from the corner of his eye. "We were KIDS. Come on."

I shake my head and point at him, "No. I was a kid. You were a little shit."

His mouth crushes into mine. His hands are on each side of my face and his kisses are so hungry, so full of desire that I kiss him back with the same raw intensity. The kiss lasts and lasts and when we pull away, I realize for the first time that his arms are wrapped around me and mine are around his neck.

"Alice," he breathes my name like a lifeline and I hang on to it, our lips still touching, our bodies still pressed together in the booth. "We've known each other since we were born. We spent every weekend together until we were twelve. We sent hundreds of letters back and forth for years. And yeah, I was a little shit to you. But that was because I didn't know how to say what I felt. But I'm older now, I know now what to say. And that is… I don't know when I slipped away from you or you slipped away from me. I know it was my fault that the letters stopped. And I'm so sorry. But I thought that life would be different from what it is now."

I shake my head, I don't understand. What was wrong with his life now? But he puts his thumb to my lips and kisses me, gently this time. Then continues.

"Then I saw you there at the bottom of the stairs and it was like we were children again. Every… stupid bloody thing was gone. No… responsibilities or… loyalties. You belong in that part of my life when things were simpler and better and I just want that back. Every time I look at you, I'm the person I wanted to be. Not the person I've become. Can't I just have you back in my life again?"

"Draco, I don't know what's going on. But we're different people now, you don't even know me. All you have are memories of me. Who I was five years ago, or even a year ago, is not who I am now," I breathe. This is an understatement. I am not the Alice Taylor he knew when we were kids. In fact, I am not the Alice Taylor he knew when I went to his house a few days ago. Today, I am the Alice Taylor that has kissed Severus Snape. The age difference is not lost in me, but I feel no guilt or shame. Perhaps that's the worst part. But honestly, I don't care- maybe THAT'S the worst part.

Some part of me understands his pain, what he must be going through but still, I have no idea. My hands wrap around one of his, "I can tell that something's wrong. Just tell me. Let me help you."

He looks down and shakes his head. His hand moves away from mine and so does his body. "You can't… You can't…" The silence between us grows and then he speaks again. "I know that I pretty much terrorized your childhood, but can you just promise me something?"

I bite my bottom lip.

"Can you promise to…" he reaches out to my hands, "to just stay with me?"

I take my hand from his and touch his cheek, "I'll always be here for you, as your friend."

xxx

There are whispers in the living area where the door is closed, for the first time since I moved in, when I enter the house. I see no one and hear nothing but the whispers.

Slowly, with intent to be as quiet as I can, walk towards the door and press my ear carefully on the door.

"I will." Mr. Snape's voice is low. My body tightens and I'm filled with dread. Not fear—dread.

My weight shifts between my feet and the floor board under me creeks. I pull back just as the door opens.

"I'm home!" I give a casual smile to hide the fact I was just eavesdropping, then look at the women in the room. "Mrs. Malfoy. I didn't know you were- " my eyes turn to the woman between Mrs. Malfoy and Mr. Snape.

"Umm." My voice shakes, my mouth dries. Something sharp stabs my heart and my stomach flips. My heartbeat is erratic.

"Cat got your tongue?" the woman asks in a playful voice before she shows me a wicked grin with jagged teeth. Her body swiftly approaches me like a predator on a hunt. Her hair is a mess of black curls and her eyes are… wild.

My first instincts say RUN! My body stumbles backwards on the side of the doorway. Thump-thump-thump-thump I can hear my heart beating so loud and fast it's about to explode.

"They were just leaving," Mr. Snape walks in between us and hurries them out the door. My eyes watch him, but my body doesn't move. I'm frozen in fear. As soon as the door slams shut, my knees collapse from under me and I let out a low, painful cry. I'm hyperventilating and sobbing and shaking by the time Mr. Snape kneels down and puts his arms around me.

xxx

"…Lord that she knows nothing." Mr. Snape's voice awakens me. I'm laying in bed, my head throbbing. I had fallen asleep crying in his arms. But he's not on the bed with me. I look around; he's not in the room at all. The door is slightly ajar. I don't move and I don't make a sound.

"But she does!" Wormtail hisses. "She can sense me. That's why she's afraid. She knows, she knows!" His voice is desperate becomes more panicked as he speaks.

There's a quick scuffle in the hallway before things get quiet. Then I hear their hushed voices again, but they're so low I can't make out what they're saying.

"Do not return." Mr. Snape's voice rises- seething, dripping with malice.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** When I wrote the first chapter, I intended for Alice to be 16. But then changed her to 17 because I thought just adding one more year would be better for her character. However, I didn't realize that this would completely ruin the outline I had for the story lol. So I changed her back to 16. I'm sorry for the confusion.

Thanks to MaruaderBlood, MissingSecretsx, and Galya for reading this FF and providing me with their input.


	9. Chapter 9: Break Me Down

**Chapter 9**

On my knees and elbows, I look under my bed and see only dust bunnies. My room is empty. No more monster. Whatever malicious feelings it had before, is gone. I'm able to walk around the house and just be alone without having a panic attack.

"Still want to go to St. Mungo's?" Mr. Snape's voice forces me to get up off the floor and wipe away the dust on my skirt. My rather … short skirt.

He looks down at what I'm wearing and looks away.

"I just wanted to see someone. I feel like there's something wrong with me. The way I acted with that woman that was with Mrs. Malfoy—what was her name?" I raise my brows, walking closer to him. My kitten heels make me a little taller.

He steps back slightly, "Just a friend of hers."

"Oh. Well, where did Wormtail go? I didn't even see him leave." Will he tell me? I step closer.

He steps back again, "I do not know."

He turns to walk away, but I walk hastily after him, my ankle wobbling in the short heels.

"You know, I thought I was going crazy there for a while. Afraid of being in the house by myself. But I think, I think I might have just been afraid of Wormtail, it's quite ridiculous really. But not nearly as ridiculous as when I thought I heard you talking to him one night. I think about me?"

He hesitates long enough for me to surpass him at the stairs and I walk backwards to face him. He opens his mouth, but my ankle wobbles again and I fall down. My hand reaches out to the rails as that jolt of falling registers into my brain, but my feet trip over themselves and I fall. I hit my head on the wall at the bottom of the stairs, Mr. Snape hurrying down after me.

One ankle is twisted and blood trickles down my face. "I'm okay," I say as he helps me sit up. I look up at him my eyes wide, gleaming, and my lips pouty as he tries to asses my injuries.

He takes his hands off me immediately and groans, "Why do you insist on wearing such preposterous shoes?" He's changed the subject and his question disarms me.

I bite my lip, blood seeps to the corner of my mouth. "They make me…" I want to say taller but instead I say, "look older."

He hesitates and looks down at me, curiously. Then looks away again with impatience.

I play with the hem of my skirt, my breasts are pushed up and plenty of cleavage can be seen from the top of my blouse. "I just thought if I looked more like a… a woman that you'd stop trying to ignore me."

"I have not disregarded you."

"Yes! You have!" I push myself to stand, my ankle winces in pain, but I ignore it as I hop over. "You keep your distance, you don't touch me or hold me, you pretend like we never… we never… kissed." My voice rise and fall with the last word.

"Stop it! You silly girl!" He turns to me, his hands grip my arms.

I gasp. My ankle doesn't hurt. Whatever injury I have on my head doesn't hurt. His words are blades to my heart. I swallow the pain and know what's coming next. I blink. Blink. Blink faster, but as soon as one tear comes, the next follow like waterfall.

He breathes a sigh of defeat, his shoulders slump, and his grip on my arms weaken, "Please."

I shake my head. I want to understand. No—I just want him to feel what I feel. To feel the completeness that I do when I'm with him. All he has to do is be in the room and I'm whole. Does he not feel it, too?

My mouth remains shut for fear of making my sobbing worse.

"Can't you see that this is wrong?" He asks.

I shake my head, "No."

"You are my ward."

"So? I love you."

His hands let go of me as if I'm made of fire and he flinches back. "No. You do not."

"You think that just because I'm sixteen I don't know love? I do. I feel it!"

"You have no idea what love is," his face is pained. "No one has ever loved you. Not your mother or father or even Draco. The only thing anyone in your life has ever done is use you. The worst part is that you let them because you think they love you, but all you really want is to be wanted."

I've lost all grips on myself. I'm one second away from falling apart. "Why are you saying this?"

He hesitates. "I have seen into your mind. I kissed you that night because you needed me too and I was too weak to resist."

xxx

The days pass into one large blur after he told me he had the ability to read minds, but admitted he'd only done it once and by accident, whatever that means. We stop having dinners together as well as our nightly readings. I break curfew repeatedly when I go out with Draco, which I try to hide, but I'm sure he knows. I'm punished with potion lessons, except not with him anymore, instead he gives me books to follow instructions out of. I sleep in my own room, which is even more empty that before. We barely say two words to each other. He leaves the house more frequently, even overnight. I'd be lying if I said I didn't stay up during those nights waiting for him to come home. But I keep my distance and so does he. Severus Snape has become Tall Rude Man once more.

Then one night as I'm coming in after a date with Draco, he calls me into the living area.

"Would you like me to accompany you to get your school supplies tomorrow or is Draco taking you?"

Draco was taking me. But Draco didn't matter right now, because this is the most he's ever talked to me in almost two months. "I'd like that."

I begin to walk away, afraid that the moment will turn sour. I don't want it to. I want things to be good between us again. At first I didn't believe him about anything. It was difficult to convince myself he was right, that what I felt wasn't romantic love. I even pushed Draco away because I thought he was just jealous. The harder I tried, the more he pushed away.

I just wanted him to just want me the way no one ever did, because he was right, my parents never wanted me to begin with. In fact, I was a child born only to fulfill a prophecy, which I still know nothing about.

"Are you still angry with me?"

"Does this mean you haven't been reading my mind?" I cross my arms and lean against the doorframe.

"I always keep my promises."

A tug pulls at the corner of my lip. I don't answer and walk up the stairs to my room.

"Potion lessons tomorrow before we go to Diagon Alley, you were ten minutes past curfew!"

Ugh! Potions again! I kick the door closed before it opens back up with a bang against the wall. And just like that, life is back to normal.

When I think about the way I feel around Severus Snape: warm, safe, whole… I know it's more than just love. It's something beyond it. Something that can't be broken or tainted.

xxx

"Have you read it?" I balance no less than five books in my arms as I walk towards a girl studying a copy of I Rise with the Sun.

She smiles, "No, but the premise is interesting enough."

"I have two chapters left and I have a feeling my heart will be ripped out of my chest by the end."

"That's good enough for me," she laughs before buying the book and introducing herself as Hermione Granger.

She begins to talk about books, all sorts of books, many of which I've never even heard of before. I stay silent so she doesn't figure out that I don't really read much, I want her to like me. She's the first girl I've talked to all summer and I'm excited by the thought of having another friend. I Rise with the Sun is probably the first book I've read outside of school and those bloody potion books Mr. Snape makes me read.

"Want to go to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes?" she points to a corner shop down the street with a giant figure holding a top hat.

I begin to follow her, but am stopped by Draco's voice calling after me. "Alice! Professor Snape said I'd find you here. Can't believe you blew me off to—" he stops when Hermione and I turn to face him. His eyes train on Hermione and an immediate snarl forms on his lips before speaking again, "Granger."

"Malfoy." Hermione's voice is tense.

No one says my name so I speak up, "Taylor!" My aim to ease the odd tension doesn't help. "So, uh, you two know each other?" I ask Draco and Hermione, my eyes moving between the both of them.

"We're in the same year," Hermione turns to me as Draco continues to dagger her with his eyes.

"Oh cool, I'm transferring there this year, so maybe we can hang—"

"She's a mudblood!" Draco interrupts me, "You can't be seen with her."

We're silent. Hermione stares at me, waiting for me to say something. Perhaps defend her. But I'm caught. Draco is my best friend. I don't even know Hermione.

"I don't care about blood, and you're being rude," I try to keep my voice down so as not to draw attention, but Draco's glares shoot at me and I know what's coming. I turn quickly to Hermione, "We're gonna go. It was nice meeting you. See you at Hogwarts, okay?"

I pull Draco with me down an empty alley, it doesn't take him long to explode. "Have you lost your mind!? You don't care about blood? What's the matter with you. We don't associate with mudbloods!"

"Stop saying that word!" I want to slap him so hard that my hand leaves a print on his pale face.

"Why!? She is! She's a mudblood! What would your parents say?"

"Nothing because they're dead!" I throw my books at him.

"You are still a Taylor. I won't allow you to drag your family's name through the mud because you want to make friends with Granger, there are plenty of purebloods you can befriend. I won't allow it!" He grabs my wrists before I can walk away from him.

"Won't allow it? You don't own me," I say through gritted teeth as I try to wrench from his grasp, but he's strong. Impossibly strong.

"Draco," a deep voice arises from the end of the alley.

Draco's hands let go of my wrist instantly. I pull away and pick up my books before running towards Mr. Snape.

Draco doesn't look at either of us, but Mr. Snape's eyes remain on him. "We must not touch what is not ours."


	10. Chapter 10: Truths

**Chapter 10**

"She's dead!? That's it? She's just dead?" I flip the book backwards and forwards, and study the last page as if pages had been ripped out.

Mr. Snape smirks in his chair as I leap out of mine. I hold the book out in front of him, "She's dead!"

He nods.

His casual attitude enrages me. "There's no ending at all, none what so ever! It just stops, it just hangs there. The last page is her running into the curse and …. And nothing. That's it. That's the end of the book. Nothing about what William does after she dies, what happens to the rest of the characters, or if they defeat Morrigan. It's just her blocking the bloody spell with her stupid body!"

He folds his paper and stares at me. "The story is from her point of view, why should it continue? She is dead."

My arm drops beside me, my mouth hands open, "But… But.. You can't just stop the story like that! That's not fair!"

"Life is not fair."

"This is a book!" My finger jabs at the cover over and over, "And it's the worst damn book I've ever read. You know what, I'm glad she's dead. William needs someone better than her. Better than someone who'd just throw their life away like that."

"She sacrificed herself for him," his brows furrow.

"No, she didn't. She had plenty of chances to stop Morrigan before it got to that point. She should have killed Morrigan in the first chapter when she had the chance!" I huff before throwing the book on the table on top of three others, and flopping on my chair.

"You think it so easy? To just kill someone?" He asks.

"To protect people I love? Yes. I would kill them in a heartbeat."

We fall silent. I turn my body and look at him. "I would do that, you know. If someone tried to kill you, I'd kill them." I push myself off my chair and crawl over to him, sitting on the floor by his feet.

"You speak of things you know nothing about."

"I know I love you," I say, looking up at him.

"Alice," his voice is cautious, a warning.

I grin. I love it when he calls me Alice instead of Ms. Taylor. "Just because you tell me not to do something, doesn't mean I'll actually listen."

His eyebrow raises as he presses his lips together. I want to tell him to read my mind, so he knows exactly what I mean. To feel this completeness that I feel. But I know he won't, so I don't ask.

"Draco does not deserve you," he says after a while. I can't pinpoint the feelings behind his words.

My mouth curves into a mischievous smile, "jealous?"

He scowls, ignoring me. He's so good at that.

"What's wrong with him?" I ask, my fingers playing with the sleeve of his shirt. "He won't tell me anything. Especially not about his father getting sent to Azkaban. He's a certain way with me, but when he's around his mum, he's so… distant. Mrs. Malfoy is always so nervous. It's weird. I don't like going over there when she's home."

"You should read the papers more often."

I poke his chest, "You read the papers enough for the both of us, Severus."

His hand reaches out to mine and stops my poking, "You cannot call me that."

"I think I shall call you whatever I want until you stop being so secretive. You're always going off and disappearing, sometimes for days at a time. AND you won't tell me what's going on with Draco, though you know full well what's happening. I know you know, Severus."

"What I do is not of your concern. Furthermore, I do not concern myself with Draco's affairs."

I roll my eyes, of course he would say that. It's what he always says. I ungraciously snatch the paper from his lap and read the front cover.

HARRY POTTER, THE CHOSEN ONE?

"We should leave," I look up at him after skimming the page.

His brows raise again.

"It's dangerous here, probably even more dangerous at Hogwarts with this Harry Potter guy and You Know Who. He's got some kind of vendetta against him, I heard." I actually haven't heard a lot. Just rumors that made it across the sea to the States about what was going on in Europe. The adults took it seriously, but the students didn't. We made fun of it all, really, as if whatever was happening in Europe couldn't possibly be real. As if You Know Who was some bedtime monster like the boogeyman.

He says nothing, just studies my face as I look up at him from the floor.

"We could go to Japan! They have loads of sushi there," I smile.

Severus reaches out to touch my face before petting me on the head like a cat.

"We do not run from fights," he says plainly.

I scoff. "Spoken like a true Gryffindor."

He glares at me as my mouth widens into a grin that reaches ear to ear. He does not find my teasing amusing. "I was in Slytherin and you should be so lucky to be in the same house."

I rest my chin on his knee, "And what if I'm not?"

"Then I will renounce you."

I take a decorative pillow and smack him on the face with it.

xxx

"Be brave and strong in these troubled times," the Sorting Hat ends its speech before Professor McGonagall begins calling out names.

I stand in the middle of first years, my body sticking high above the rest of them as they're all shorter than me. Everyone is looking at me, wondering what I'm doing standing there with a bunch of eleven year olds. I spot Severus right away sitting with the staff. Then I look for Draco at the Slytherin table that's decorated in green and silver. I have enough time to look for Hermione Granger who is in Gryffindor. She sits beside a boy with red hair and seems to be anxious about something, but she smiles and waves when she sees me.

Draco sees the exchange between Hermione and I, he shakes his head and I roll my eyes. He seems distracted and focuses on something on the table.

I'm the last person standing.

"Alice Taylor!" Professor McGonagall looks directly at me. She really didn't have to say out my name, she could have said 'you there, the last one', and I would have gone up.

The Sorting Hat is on top of my head, it doesn't quite swallow me up like it did the first years. Then it begins to talk to me inside my mind.

I am not intelligent. I'm not sure if I'm cunning or brave.

"Hufflepuff!"

My first instinct is to look back at Severus. He gives me a smile and a nod as he claps quietly like he did with the other students. I can't tell if he's masking his disappointment. Surely, he must be disappointed in me. Anything, absolutely anything was better than Hufflepuff.

As I walk towards the Hufflepuff table, I catch Draco's eyes. I don't have to wonder… His disappointment is evident.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Were you surprised by her house?

Thanks to MaraurderBlood, MissingSecretsX, and Galya for their continued support!


	11. Chapter 11: Opposing Forces

**Author's Note:**

This chapter is rather long and takes place over the first few months of the school year.

It is set during 6th Year canon when Snape is the DADA professor.

Thanks to MarauderBlood, MissingSecretsX, and Galya for continuing to read this really weird story lol xD

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

DADA

I sit beside Draco towards the back of the classroom during Defense Against the Dark Arts and put my books down.

"You're in my seat," a dark haired girl walks up behind me.

"Sorry, didn't know there were assigned seating," I say and look at Draco, raising my brows.

Draco shakes his head and shrugs. "There's no assigned seating," he mumbles so I can barely hear him.

I furrow my brows at him, why is he acting like this? Shouldn't he be telling this girl to sit somewhere else? There's plenty of empty seats.

"Ugh, Draco! Tell this Hufflepuff to move!" her voice scratches.

I notice for the first time that she's a Slytherin. Professor Snape had explained the houses to me, but Draco explained it in a social sense. Houses stick to themselves. Slytherins don't mingle with mudbloods or other houses. Slytherin was the best house, the only house that mattered. Was this why Draco was acting peculiar? Because I'm a Hufflepuff and not a Slythern? My face reddens as I realize that Draco may actually reject me because of some silly House rivalry.

I cross my arms and smirk at Draco, masking my hurt with anger, "Yeah, Draco. Tell the Hufflepuff to move." _I dare you._

He glances between the two of us. His mouth opens and closes. I know I've put him in a difficult situation, but frankly, I don't care. "That's Parkinson's…" He starts.

I'm about to argue with him when Professor Snape speaks.

"I do not have time for teenage drama." Professor Snape says, bored. He taps the desk in front of the classroom with a rolled up parchment. Was he really moving me!? "Ms. Taylor. Sit."

I get up, my eyes glaring at the girl with dark hair. Then I give Severus an obvious scowl as I plop on the seat with my arms crossed. How dare he interfere!?

"You too, Mr. Malfoy," Professor Snape adds, reluctantly, before starting the lecture. I give him a smile.

When Draco sits beside me, I lean in to whisper to him, "Is this how it's going to be? It's okay to talk to me and try to snog me as long as no one sees us together?"

"Pardon me," Professor Snape says as he stands in front of our desk. "I did not realize I was interrupting such an important conversation. Ms. Taylor, I understand you are a new student here, but I assume this is not your first time in a classroom."

Professor Snape continued with the lesson of non-verbal spells before the class was broken up into pairs to practice their jinxing and repelling jinxes without speaking.

I put my wand up, waiting for Draco's jinx, but all I see is his wand flinching now and again. I drop my guard and put my wand down, tired of waiting, then I hear him whisper something. I'm caught off guard and I can't even mutter the spell to shield me.

"Protego!" Professor Snape stands in front of me, the shield bounces to Draco which hits him and makes him stumble backwards as he falls on his arse.

"Why'd you do that? I had it," I whisper to Severus.

Severus and I share a momentary glance before I roll my eyes and I run to Draco. "You little cheat! I heard you whisper," I laugh as I help him up.

Professor Snape moves on to another pair and before I realize what's happening, Harry shouts a shield spell and causes Professor Snape to be knocked back on a desk. "Severus," I run to him, my hand grabbing his arm. But the quick glare he gives me tells me to stop and I pull away.

"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?" Professor Snape snaps at Harry. I back away slowly, but not before meeting Hermione's gaze. She stares at me curiously before I walk quickly towards Draco.

xxx

After potions class

I pull Draco's arm as we exit potions. My drought of the living dead ended up being a purple sludge. Draco had tried his hardest as well and failed. I'd never seen him try so hard. The potion was so difficult to make that even Hermione couldn't make it, and I was told she's the smartest in class.

"What!?" Draco snapped at me as he turned. "Oh… Alice, sorry. I thought you were someone else."

"It's just one potion, Draco," I say. "I'm sure you'll get the next one."

He rolls his eyes and huffs, "it's not about the bloody potion. It's… nothing." He begins to walk away and I follow.  
"There you go again, being all secretive," I stop him with my body as I step in front of him.

"Me? Secretive? No. You know me better than anyone, love."

I smirk, "Exactly, that's how I know you're keeping something from me. Just bloody tell me already!"

His face changes. The line between his brows disappear and a sly smile forms on his face. "Why don't you come to my room and I'll show you what I've been hiding," he says, his voice low. "Just a few minutes," Draco tries to press his lips on mine, but I turn away. His lips falling on my cheek.

"Ugh, stop," I move away from him. "You can't just try to seduce me whenever you want to avoid something. Is this about your dad going to Azkaban? You know it's not your fault, you had nothing to do with it… Why can't you just tell me?"

Draco's his hand reaches out to my face and pushes a lock of brown hair behind my ear. "Because if I tell you, you'll stop loving me."

"Draco," I say. I know I love him as a friend. I know my heart skips a beat every time I see him, hear him, touch him. I know I'm attracted to him. But Severus takes up so much of my heart that I'm afraid to admit how I feel. Was it possible to love two people at once? "You're my best friend, I'll always love you. No matter what."

"You know I love you as more than just a friend, don't you?" He tilts my chin up to face him.

I close my eyes and nod. I can't look him in the eyes. I'm too ashamed, too embarrassed to tell him why I can't love him. Because even though Severus refuses to return my feelings and even though I try SO hard to stop loving him, I still do.

"Listen, I've got something to do. Maybe we can hang out after dinner?" he says as he adds distance between us.

An unease enters the air, a phantom chill.

"I can't, I'm supposed to see Sev—Professor Snape every time I screw up a potion," I hug the potions book close to my chest. The one Severus bought for me and I've been using all summer during potion lessons.

He moans, "Does Snape have to monopolize your time at Hogwarts, too? It's bad enough he restricted you from sleeping over the rest of the summer."

This is the first time I've ever heard him talk about Severus in this way. He practically worshipped the ground he walked on and now he was calling him 'Snape' instead of 'Professor Snape'.

"That was your fault! You tried to sneak through my window!" I hiss as quietly as I could.

He bites his lip and pulls my robe so that I slide closer to him. "I couldn't help myself; I just wanted you so bad."

I take one of his fingers and use it to move his hand away from me, "We must not touch what is not ours, remember?"

He pushes my body against the wall and leans in close to my ear, his breath on my neck. My insides warm. I close my eyes and bite my lip. He brushes his lips across the skin of my neck, "I don't care if it takes forever, you will be mine."

xxx

Sometime in October

Severus is waiting in his office, arms crossed, with potions equipment when I walk in.

"Late again," he says.

"I got distracted, Hermione and I were—"

He interrupts me, "Ms. Granger?"

I nod.

He waves his want at the door behind me and it closes. I hear him mumble something that resembles 'insufferable know-it-all' but I can't be sure. "Create the potion," he stands by the table and waits for me.

It's going to be a long two hours.

It takes me five tries. Twice, he dumped the potions and made me start over. Two hours had passed and quickly went, by the time I finished, it was past curfew. And the only reason I finished was because he instructed me how to do it, step by little baby step at a time. I had no time to study for my other classes, but it didn't bother me since I had spent time with Severus.

Severus walks me to the door that leads to the Hufflepuff dormitory since it's past hours. I turn to him as the door opens. "Do you think maybe we could have nightly readings, like before?"

He shakes his head and turns from me, but I walk in front of him.

"Wait…" My bottom lip trembles, I hate being so far away from him all day. We're still in the same castle, but it's just not the same.

"Alice," he warns. "We have spoken about this."

I nod, dejected. "I love you," I whisper. Perhaps if I say it enough he'll believe me. I had stopped saying it during the two months that followed after he'd told me the truth. But after that, the words would come out of my lips without me ever meaning to. Eventually, I said it often and on purpose.

He gives me a stern look before walking away.

xxx

Later in October

The door opens and Harry Potter walks in Professor Snape's office. My books and parchment are all over a desk, I had spent all evening studying because Severus says my results have been atrocious. I don't mind because he's with me the entire time, sometimes helping me study when I don't understand something, and sometimes grading papers.

I don't have time to say anything to Harry before Severus instructs him to sort out rotten flobberworms from good ones, his detention assignment. He has no protective gloves and I feel so bad for him that I grab some from the cabinets and give them to him.

"Have we lowered ourselves to thievery Ms. Taylor?" Professor Snape asks as he stands behind me.

Harry looks at me with guilt before shaking his head, "It's alright Alice, I don't need them. Thanks though."

"Oh, Sev—Professor. They're just gloves," I widen my eyes at Severus, willing him to hear my thoughts: _why are you being such an arse!?_

"Are you questioning my authority?" Professor Snape glowers.

"No, but—" I am interrupted.

"Private office," he points to the door at the back and when I don't move, his voice becomes more stern, "Now."

I throw the gloves down on the table and huff as I stomp my way to the office. I know I'm acting like a child, but his rudeness sets me off. I know he can be uncouth, but now that we're in school it's like there is no off switch.

As soon as I enter the room, I realize this is not a private office at all. Instead it is a bedchamber. His bed is in the middle of the room and everything is laid out exactly as it is in our home at Spinner's end. The furniture are not the same, but the layout is exact. There is even a chaise in the corner. The only thing missing is the window on the far wall, and there is a fireplace on one wall.

The door closes behind me and I turn to him, my arms crossed and my chin up.

"I have never met a more stubborn Hufflepuff," is the first thing he says.

This catches me off guard. "Do you expect me to just lie down and take it?"

His mouth twitches and he looks away for a bit. "I expect you to do as you are told."

"I've never been good at that, remember?"

He shakes his head, defeated, I know I irk him and I don't care. Severus begins to lecture me and I retaliate. Our fights are always the same, but this time we argue in hushed voices. I knew from the beginning that he was not used to being talked back to and it gave me a sense of power, being able to push all the right buttons to upset him.

He argues more with me than any student, but that's probably because I'm the only one that will actually continue to argue. I try not to make a habit of it in class though. In class, I'm mostly quiet. In class, I usually day dream, which is why my scores are so bad.

Sometimes, I didn't know when to stop arguing and we end up in a battle of words for an endless amount of time. Just like tonight.

It is a couple of minutes past nine when Harry's voice calls out, "Professor, it's nine. It's uh, past curfew. I've finished sorting out the flobberworms."

Severus gives me a look, the 'be quite look', before opening the door. My face is red and I'm flustered as I quickly walk out, seething.

"Come on, Harry, I'll walk you out the dungeons," I say to him as I walk past.

"I doubt Potter needs an escort to protect him, Ms. Taylor. Haven't you heard? He is The Chosen One," Professor Snape calls after me, then points to the books I left strewn all over the desk.

I stop, my hands squeezing into fists. "See you around, Harry," I say.

He tells me goodnight and leaves as I pack my things.

I'm trying to make him compromise with me as I'm walking out the office, "I don't understand why you have to be such a git all the time, Severus."

"Alice, you—" he begins to say, but stops as we are walking out the door. "Potter! Don't you have somewhere to be?"

Harry is standing by the corner. He doesn't say anything as he leaves.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

I know not a lot of very important things happened in this chapter and it was really long. It consists of pretty much different 'scenes' that show Alice's relationships with different characters, though still mainly Draco and Snape.

Who are you rooting for? Draco or Snape?

While this chapter didn't have a lot of drama/action, the next one will, so prepare yourselves for some feels! Mwahahaha!


	12. Chapter 12: Dear Agony

**Chapter 12**

-Early November-

"Did you hear about the Holiday Ball?" Draco stops me right outside of the Great Hall.

I nod. Professor McGonagall had said this year we would have a Holiday Ball right before the students leave for the Holidays. It's something like the Yule Ball they have during the Triwizard Tournament, but not as big or fancy. I'm not really sure what to expect since I've never even been to the Triwizard Tournament.

"So I was thinking we could go together," he says as he pulls me to the side.

I smirk, "Really? After you've spent months hiding me from your friends?"

His shoulders slump, "Alright so I've been a right git. I'm done with that, alright. I'm done with—"

"Being an arse?" I finish his sentence.

"Yeah." He actually looks sorry.

I cross my arms, "I don't know Draco. First, you basically confess your love to me, but as soon as school starts you act like I'm some stalker towards your friends. The only times you've ever spoken to me are in dark corners when you want to snog."

"Not like you even let me snog you," he reproaches.

"Excuse me!? Now I have to put out for you to accept me into your precious social circle?"

"That's not what I mean. Look do you want to go with me or not?" He loses patience.

I glare at him, "Not. I'm going with someone else." I begin to walk away, but he quickly sidesteps in front of me.

"Who!?"

I don't answer and quickly seek the haven of the Great Hall. He tries to avoid being seen with me, except in Defense Against the Dark Arts when we sit together, so I figure he'd stop following. I'm wrong.

He walks so close behind me he steps on my heels and I have to push him back.

"Stop it," I hiss.

"Tell me who," he insists. His face is hard, angry. Jealous. He holds me in place by holding on to my wrist.

"Stop it, people are staring," I whisper to him desperately.

"Oh it's alright for you to interrogate me, but I can't do the same to you?"

"There's a difference because I'm actually trying to help, you're just being a bloody wanker."

He's about to say something back, but his eyes look up behind me. Severus's presence grows stronger, he's walking towards us.

"Bloody hell. Snape's always got to protect you, doesn't he? What, does he own you now?" he exasperates.

But Severus doesn't get to us first. Instead, it's Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"I think Crabbe and Goyle need their babysitter back, Malfoy," Harry speaks up as the three of them stand beside me.

"Saint Potter, defender of the innocents—" Draco starts, but Ron interrupts.

"I'd go sit down if I were you Malfoy, unless you want Hermione to wallop you again," Ron smirks.

"What's the matter Weasley, can't fight your own battles?" Draco steps towards Ron, danger emanating from him. He's so coiled that I'm afraid he'll snap at any minute.

No one backs down, the tension gets higher, and my head begins to throb as a splitting headache forms in the middle of my head.

Just in time, as if he got tired of watching, Professor Snape walks up to us. "Well, well. It seems I'll have five volunteers to extract flobberworm mucus this Saturday. Ms. Taylor?"

I turn and look up at him, "we were just… talking about our Saturday plans."

"Yeah, plans," Draco's mouth twitches before he walks away to the Slytherin table.

Once Professor Snape goes back to the staff's table, I sit down with Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"Thanks," I say.

They all give me a tight smile. There's an awkward silence that follows. I feel the questions swirling around them. They want to ask. They want to say something. Then finally, Hermione musters up the courage.

"Um, do you… know Professor Snape outside of school?" she's embarrassed to ask. Harry's face is as red as Ron's hair and Ron is leaning over the table. "It's just that Harry mentioned overhearing you call Professor Snape by his first name and you did the same during Defense Against the Dark Arts. And then when McGonagall called you back when we were going to Hogsmeade, we sort of overheard her tell you that you had to get Professor Snape to sign your permission slip."

"Yeah. He's my, um, official guardian. My parents died earlier this year and he took me in," I say the truth. There's no reason to lie. Their eyes widen and even Hermione's mouth drops. I would have thought this odd a few months ago before school started. But after I got to know Severus's relationships with the students, I understand the shock. Professor Snape was the most hated Professor at Hogwarts.

They ask me questions about my life in Professor Snape's house. I tell them the basics, nothing personal. They think it's odd, weird. I tell them it isn't really, he's not so bad most times. Then they move on to the subject of Draco. They can't believe that Draco and I are, or were, friends. I'm not sure whether we still are or not. Is a few months of fighting worth throwing our friendship? I don't think so, but Draco might think differently, especially since I refused to stop being friends with Hermione.

"So you're friends or whatever with two of the worst people in school, no offense to you. And you're nothing like them… You have the strangest life," Ron says.

"None taken, but I think you guys have me beat. I mean, I'm sitting in the presence of The Chosen One," I tease.

They look at each other and laugh.

xxx

-Late November-

"So, I didn't get into the Slug club," I say with feigned disappointment as I enter Severus's private chamber.

 _"…will help kill him in order to save another."_ A voice haunts the room.

Severus is sitting on the loveseat across from the fireplace holding what looks like a crystal ball with a dim white glow swirling inside it. Quickly, he puts it in a wooden box and locks it before putting it on a table.

"Learn how to knock," he say irritably, "Why must you always barge in here?"

"What was that?" I ask, ignoring him and walking towards the box. I'm sure that the voice I heard came from the orb.

He stops me, his arm completely across my chest to grab my far arm. "Nothing that concerns you."

"That seems to be everything," I retort. Everything is nothing that concerns me.

He begins to put his cloak on, I stand on my tiptoes to help him though he tries to push me away.

"Two things… I didn't get into the slug club and Professor McGonagall said we were going to have a Holiday Ball." I finish helping him with the robe.

He sneers, "Not surprised. You are still bloody incompetent at potions. It is like trying to teach an infant how to fly on a broomstick." He ignores the second part of my statement about the Holiday Ball.

I roll my eyes which earns me a 'stop rolling your eyes'.

"I don't care about the Slug club anyways. GASP! I know, shocking!" I mock.

"Why do I even bother?" he says, a rhetorical question.

"Because you love me and want me to like the same things as you and excel in potions the same way you did in school," I smirk.

"A hopeless endeavor really. Your overall scores, not just potions, are worse than Weasley's."

"I take offense to that," I cross my arms. "Besides… Ron's nice, it's not all about scores you know."

He stares at me as if he can't believe I just complimented Ron Weasley. "What am I going to do with you? You can't even fly a broom."

"I'm afraid of heights!" I counter, "Besides, I've never seen _you_ on a broom." My imagination takes hold and I see Severus trying to ride a broom. This makes me laugh instantly, which makes him walk out of the room away from me.

I catch up, "So anyways, the Holiday Ball. What do you think?"

"Dreadful."

I sigh, "I mean… what do you think about going with me?"

He scowls, "Have you lost your mind!?"

I'm silent. I expected this. I'm still ill prepared. I've lived this dozens of times of with him, the rejection. It never gets easier.

"You are a student. I am a teacher. Get that through your stubborn brain, you silly—"

"Girl?" I interrupt him. I can feel the tears coming. Merlin, why do I do this to myself!? "You know what's worse than you always calling me a silly girl, like my age somehow makes me beneath you?"

He says nothing.

"The complete agony of being in love with you." I walk away, tears streaming down my face. I hate my tears. I hate that I've broken almost every bone in my body during my short 16 years of life and have not cried once each time they've happened, but when my heart feels even a tinge of pain, I fall apart.

Draco steps out of the shadows as soon as I step out of Severus's office. I realize that I hadn't closed the door to the office when I had walked in. My face is red and splotchy from crying. I wipe away the tears and ignore him, I don't know how long he'd been standing there or what all he'd heard.

"Snape?" he says in disgust as he trails after me. "You're in love with Snape!?" He grabs my arm and makes me turn to face him.

"Just leave me alone Draco." There's a stabbing in my heart and somehow, I know it's not just my heart that hurts. It's his, too. My insides fill with anger and rage and I want to destroy something. My head splits as another headache comes on.

"How? Why?" he asks, his face in a contorted mix of fury, confusion, and revulsion.

"It's none of your business. Why don't you go back to your Slytherin friends, they're the ones that matter to you. You chose them over me, so why the hell do you care?"

"If you were just in Slytherin—"

"Well I'm not! Remember over the summer when we went to the restaurant and you snogged me? I told you I was a different person, that you didn't really know me. But you asked me to promise to stay with you anyways. This is why I couldn't make that promise- not completely. I'm not like you- I'm not a Slytherin and there's nothing I can do about that. And yes, I'm in love with Severus and I can't do anything about that either."

"He's old enough to be your father, in fact he was your father's friend! He's your guardian. How can you love him and not me?" His voice breaks at the end.

I'm sobbing and I don't know how to stop. "I do love you, Draco. But you rejected me the moment you saw a part of me you didn't like. Severus knows me and accepts me for who I am. It's just complicated, okay?"

"Accepts you?" he shakes his head. "I do accept you… Look, I know I haven't been the best friend in the world, but—"

"No, you haven't. You ignore me in front of your friends and you won't tell me what's going on with you so I can help. So stop. We've been through this before—"

"No, I'm serious this time, Alice. Please." His voice is desperate.

We stare at each other. There's a fracture forming between us, we both know it. We say nothing for a long time.

"Please, Alice… Why can't you just love me?" His hands are on my shoulders, pinning me to the wall. His body cages me and he puts his forehead against mine.

This is unlike him. He never begs. Had never in his life begged for anything. I hate it. I hate what I've done to him. And I know it's me. I know it's my fault because I'd wanted to keep him without telling him the truth. Severus has the part of me that is never-ending; it doesn't exist in the physical realm. It's my soul that he has. But Draco fuels me, he kindles the fire inside, with Draco—it's physical. I crave his touch and it gets more difficult to resist each time he tries to kiss me.

It's my fault. I've been selfish. I can't have both and I hate myself for still wanting it.

"I do love you, Draco… And I love Severus, too…" my breath catches, "But this whole thing... It isn't us. And this isn't you."

"Well who's fault it that? You're upset at me because I keep secrets, what about you!?" he blames me. His face has turned from pleading to just utter disgust. "You pull me around on a string and all the while you're snogging Snape!" He groans and puts his hands over his head as if something sharp is stabbing his brain. "Oh bloody hell. Have you shagged him!?"

I slap him.

There were many times in the past when I've wanted to slap him, but I've held myself back every time. This time, I couldn't. It was a reflex.

I slap him so hard his face is turned to the side, his cheek is slightly red already. My palm stings. He's looking at the ground. Then I notice there's a cut on his lip. I made him bleed. Moments pass, he doesn't look at me, doesn't move. Then finally, his eyes cut to me and he faces me. Our eyes stare at each other.

Secrets, lies, mistrust, and accusations drop on top of each other. The sum of all those parts are greater than me and Draco and whatever friendship we thought we had. Having years and years of history isn't enough to build on a friendship, after all. Our foundation was a mirage of what we wanted to see. He'd fooled himself into thinking I was still the girl he knew and loved. I had fooled myself into thinking I was good enough. The thing between us—it's not just fractured, it's completely broken.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

I'm really happy with this chapter although some of you may not be.

Alice has really done it this time, hasn't she?

Thanks to everyone who reads this story and I hope you weren't too disappointed about Draco's parts. He's having a really tough time.


	13. Chapter 13: Prophecy

Chapter 13

It's been a week since that night. That awful night that I wish I could just forget. I'm lying on my bed catching up on homework I'd been too busy to do earlier in the week. And by busy, I mean crying my eyes out. I should just give up on Severus, just give in to the idea that he'll never return the feelings I have for him. But it's so difficult when each day I have so see his stupid face. He's not the only one I've been crying about though, Draco has completely pushed me out of his life. He won't even look at me and I can't blame him. He has every right to be upset.

There's a knock on my door. My roommate left for Hogsmeade an hour ago and I'd sent Hermione an owl that I didn't feel like going anywhere. Whoever was outside didn't wait for me to tell them to come in.

The door opens slowly and Severus stands at the doorway.

I'm too shocked to say anything or do anything so I stay lying on my stomach on the bed with a plate of breakfast and piles of parchment and a book.

"I am glad to see at least you are studying, even if you have been ignoring my owls," he says.

I haven't been going to see him after dinner to study or to have him help me with potions. I'm not upset at him. Okay, maybe a little. But I'm more embarrassed than anything.

I say nothing, so he steps forward. His hands are behind his back, but I can tell he's holding something. "I have something for you," he says and waits for my response.

I sit up on the bed cross-legged and look up at him in wait.

He smirks and nods before showing me a large wooden box with holes on the side and a lid at the top. He sits on the bed with me and puts the box on the bed between us. "Open it."

I do and inside is the tiniest little black kitten I've ever seen. It's balled up on top of a little dark green and yellow blanket. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted a kitten. It was the one thing I continued to ask for during Christmas and birthdays. But my parents had never gotten me one because my mother couldn't be around them without getting sick and sneezing all the time.

"For me?" I whisper. I coo over the little thing, but stop myself from touching it so I don't wake it up. I look up at Severus.

He nods.

I lean over to his side and wrap my arms around him. I must have taken him by surprise because at first he just sits there all stiff, but then after a few seconds, he wraps one arm around me.

"I found him in the forest, practically dead," he said. "I knew you had always wanted one."

"How did you know?" I ask and he gives me a knowing look. Oh. Of course. He had been inside my mind and knows all my secrets.

"You saved him?" I ask. I had never known Severus to be kind to animals. Or just be kind at all, though he has been very kind to me just by taking me in.

He nods again. "What will you name him?"

I don't have to think about it. "Vladimir," I say plainly.

Dracula is the only book I've read for pleasure and it has been years since. Aside from school books, it is also the only book I've owned. It was given to me as a gift when I was younger, but I don't even remember who sent it.

Severus gives me a confused look but before he shakes his head with a little smile that I can't quite place. "I should have known. He is your favorite villain."

I look at him. "What makes you think he's a villain?"

xxx

I have nothing to be nervous about. I don't have a date. Everyone seems to have a date except for me. I talk to Vladimir, telling him all about how it was pointless for me to go even though I'd taken those ridiculous dance classes with rest of the students. I'd have no one to dance with. What would be the point in going? I'm already thirty minutes late anyways.

I flop back on my bed and look up at the ceiling, I can hear music coming from all the way upstairs.

Marcy, my roommate, bursts in with a large smile on her face and someone waiting by the door. "Oops, you're still here?" she asks. "The party's started."

"So what are you doing back so early?" I ask and look at the boy waiting behind our door.

"Forgot something," she winks at me and takes something from her drawers before walking out the door. "Come on Alice! You're already dressed, go have fun!" She yells at me from the hallway.

She was right. I was already dressed and ready to go. Vladimir pounces on my stomach and mews. Alright. Alright.

The Great Hall is decorated and snow falls from the ceiling, though the snow never reaches the tops of the student's head. Inside, the warmth of bodies and fires warm me.

I'm wearing a simple black dress that has a little poof on the skirt and is only ankle length. My black heels have yellow gemstones across one strap. Even with heels, I'm still the shortest person in the room, but I had been told by the dressmaker that wearing an ankle length dress would make me look taller. I'm not sure if it's working.

I was wrong, not everyone had dates. Some people stood along the walls and watched, I am not going to be one of those people. I get a glass of punch and casually walk around, making sure I stay away from the dreaded wall of single people. It's a good thing I don't mind being alone and singled out.

I'm only on my first round walking around the room when Justin Finch-Fletchley asks me to dance. The song doesn't even end before Neville Longbottom steps in and dances with me. There are no slow songs, so I don't have to worry about any awkward dancing. Soon, I'm just dancing for the sake of dancing and have no idea who I'm dancing with since Hermione, Ron, and Harry have also joined in.

I break away from all the dancing after a few songs, my feet aching. It's hot in the Great Hall so I walk outside to the courtyard where there are some people talking and walking around by the entrance.

Finding an empty stone bench, I sit down and take my shoes off so I can rub my feet. Some of the students sneak away, only to be brought back, Professor Snape right behind them.

"Go back inside," he tells them as he walks towards me.

"I thought you were not going to attend," he says.

"I never said that," I look up at him as I slide my heels back on.

He looks at my feet, then his eyes travel from my ankles, up my legs, my entire body and to my eyes.

"I did not see you come in, I assumed you were not coming."

"You were looking for me?" I ask.

He stares at me for a moment, "No."

I sit there in silence as he stands in front of me. The heat has long been sucked away by the chilly night air and I can see my breath fogging up in front of my face.

"You should go inside," he says and then walks away, telling the rest of the students the same thing before he disappears inside the castle.

I'm not in a hurry to go back in, so I take my time, though my skin is practically frozen now. As soon as I walk through the doors, I'm warmed, the chill melting from my flesh. I don't see Severus anywhere. Inside the Great Hall, people are still dancing, though I don't see Hermione, Ron, and Harry anymore.

My eyes automatically find Draco who's already staring at me. He's slow dancing with Pansy Parkinson, who has her back to me so he's free to stare at me all he wants. I stare back. I'm not sure what's going on in his mind, but his face is expressionless. He whispers something to her, his eyes still trained on me, and Pansy looks at him with a grin. His hand travels down her spine.

I look away and leave before I can see anything else. I don't want to hate him.

I see some students rush to the basement, holding hands and stopping now and then to snog as they try to find empty classrooms. I didn't want to stay throughout the whole party, I didn't need to. To my surprise, I actually had some fun, even if Draco did try to ruin it by trying to make me jealous. And yes, I was jealous. But I can hardly blame him.

The door to Professor Snape's office is ajar as I walk by. I stop and knock before opening it a little wider. He's at a table concocting a potion, though I have no idea what it is. Even with all the lessons, I'm still below mediocre when it comes to potions. I suppose I just don't have the same aptitude for it.

"Hi," I walk up to him and lean against a table.

He looks up at me, not surprised to see me there and says nothing as he finishes the potion. I've learned to stop asking questions about what he's doing because either he'll just ignore me or go into a lecture about it and sometimes, as profound as it may seem, I would rather not have to listen to a lecture outside of the classroom.

"How was it?" he asks as he bottles the potion and puts it away.

"I had fun. Surprisingly." I can still hear the music coming from upstairs in the Great Hall. The music moves on to another slow song. This one, Severus and I both know because it's one of the classics he listens to. We look at each other for a moment, then I push myself off the table and walk to him. "Dance with me?"

He looks down at me, I sense annoyance. I smirk, and then he resigns a breath as he steps forward and offers me his hand.

Our bodies close in on each other and I have to crane my neck to look up at him, it's uncomfortable. My heels step on his toes. This was a bad idea.

Severus holds his wand for a moment and mutters something. My body becomes light as we float up in the air, but mostly me. I'm almost eye to eye with him and so afraid to look away, or down. It's only a couple of feet, but my fear of heights is irrational.

"If only I were taller." We dance in the air, but it doesn't feel any different than dancing on the ground, though I'm sure he's relieved I've stopped stepping on his toes. "And older."

He gives me a sympathetic smile, "And an excess of other things."

"Like?" I wonder what else is wrong with me that he can't love me.

"Not clumsy. Good at potions. Not stubborn… Maybe… Have red hair."

"We all can't be perfect," I look at the deep pools of black that are his eyes. The beat of the music picks up.

"You don't need to be." He spins me around once, his hand reaches to my waist as he pulls me in. The music slows once more.

"Obviously I do, no one wants me." We're both silent for a few moments, our breathing the other thing I hear.

"Draco loves you." His voice is strained and his face is a mask of something I can't decipher.

I shake my head, "No. He only thinks he loves me because I help him forget about the life he hates. He doesn't understand me or know me like you do. I love him, but he doesn't love me, not the real me that you know. It just doesn't work."

"That is because you refuse to let him in."

I laugh a little, "He should learn Legilimency."

There's a slight pull on his lips before he turns serious again. "Draco needs you."

"And you don't?"

I look into his eyes, there's darkness there. Not just the color, but a darkness shrouded in shadows. Fear. A chill runs over my flesh as I feel that something… dangerous is about to happen. My head splits in pain.

"Draco is going to need you more than I will."

My heart breaks in half. I can't reach that shadow that he's hiding behind. He won't let me. But somehow, I can sense it's there and the danger I felt is now gone, as if he'd taken it away from my soul and hidden it. The pain inside my head is gone as quickly as it had come.

"What aren't you telling me?" I ask. He's hiding something. Something beyond my comprehension. Something deadly and inescapable.

xxx

The students have all left for their holiday breaks and I'm in the library, willingly, for perhaps the first time ever. But before the students left, I overheard Hermione, Ron, and Harry talking about He Who Must Not Be Named. The thing was, they called him by his real name and they didn't even seem afraid like everyone else did when they talked about him. I really can't understand any of it because I hadn't been at Hogwarts as long as everyone else, or in the UK for that matter. I didn't feel the fear or danger that they did. I didn't fight with them, as I'd heard so many people talk about it. The fight against the Death Eaters, or something like that.

But I do hear a lot of things. And one of those things is about Severus and Draco and how they are in league with He Who Must Not Be Named. I can't believe it. There is no possible way. But then I listened to Harry telling Hermione and Ron about an overheard conversation, about an Unbreakable Vow.

But that's not the only reason why I'm at the library. There must be something here about… the headaches and the random irrational feelings I sometimes get. Something about me. But there's nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I pick up Vladimir from a book he's been sleeping on and prepare to leave the library. Then it catches my eye, like a diamond sparkling in a mountain of coal. PROPHECIES.

I remember. Vaguely. But I remember.

 _"I wish I'd never been told the prophecy, then I never would have agreed to give birth to you!" My mother yelled at me for breaking one of her priceless antiques._

I remember my childhood being good and happy. But then there were memories like those, with my mother. And I begin to wonder, was I really happy? I must have been. I fought like hell when they tried to send me to the States. I cried when my parents died, there's still a hole in my chest where they used to be.

Never been told the prophecy. Agreed to give birth. To me. What did it mean?

I quickly make my way to Severus's office where he's making another potion.

"You knew my father well, didn't you? You were good friends." I skip the small talk.

He looks up at me, almost dumbfounded before he wipes his face clean of expression.

"Friends, yes."

"Did he ever talk to you about me? About a prophecy?"

He looks away and I see the lies already coming from him though he hasn't said anything.

"Don't lie to me, Severus." I shock myself at my own tone.

He stops and looks at me for the longest time. "Yes and I am trying to stop it."

"Stop what?" I walk closer. Vladimir jumps from my arms and chases something skittering around the walls.

Severus shakes his head, his eyes cast down, for the first time since I've met him. Was he afraid?

"Stop what?" I whisper desperately. "Just tell me."

I have to know. My mother had said it to me countless times. I was born only to fulfill a prophecy and stupid girl that I am never took her seriously or didn't know what to make of it. She'd been saying it for as long as I could remember that is had just become some fact of my life that I didn't care to know about. But I can't ignore it anymore, not when it keeps showing up, not when I feel that everyone around me has lied to my face. And specially not when I felt that danger the night of the ball. It wasn't just fear like the monster under my bed. It was more than that.

"Stop you from helping Voldemort win the war."


	14. Chapter 14: Christmas

**Chapter 14**

What do you do when your whole life turns upside down?

Let's see…

Number one: my parents are dead

Number two: my best friend hates me

Number three: the man I'm in love with doesn't want me

Number four: I'm destined to help a dark wizard, not just any dark wizard. THE dark wizard. The worst, most terrible person to ever walk the planet of the earth.

I want to ask, could my life get any worse? But I'm afraid I'll jinx myself. I've only lived this, knowingly at least, for a few months. Where as Harry Potter, the Chosen One has had years to get used to his. I want to ask him to help me. He is the Chosen One after all. But if he's the good guy, then what does that make me? No, I can't ask him for help. What would I saw anyways? 'Hey, so it looks like we're destined to be enemies.'

WHY would I even help He Who Must Not Be Named anyways? HOW could I?

It's Christmas. My first Christmas alone. No parents. No friends.

Aside from Vladimir and Mr. Bonbon, I'm alone. Draco left, not that it matters anyways since he still hates me. Ron, Hermione, and Harry are gone.

I am so utterly and miserably alone. ALONE. The word echoes in my head and a light switches on. In every story, the villain is alone. They either have no friends or family, or want nothing to do with them. Just like me. Just. Like. Me. The thought makes me sick, literally. I run to the bathroom where I barely make it in time before I vomit my stomach contents. Mostly egg nog. I hate egg nog.

I wipe the spit from my lips and lean against the wall. Was it possible that I could be a villain? Am I a bad guy in this story? I crawl to the showers where I let the hot water practically boil me as I sit there endlessly.

I hadn't expected to get anything, but when I go downstairs to the Hufflepuff common room, the Christmas tree has presents under it.

I sit down in front of the tree in my pajamas and look at the presents, all with my name on them. There's one for Vladimir.

I open the box for him and he pounces inside the box without question. He's still fairly small so once he's in, he can't get out. It doesn't matter though because there are treats and toys in there for him, he really couldn't care any less about anything else outside the box.

Minutes tick by and I still haven't opened a single gift. I get up from the floor and lay on the couch as I light the logs in the fireplace. I'm the only Hufflepuff who stayed behind. I'm probably the only student in the entire school. I fall asleep to the sound of Vladimir playing inside his gift box.

"You missed breakfast," a voice wakes me, "and lunch."

I turn over to find Severus towering over me. Sitting up, I try to shake the grogginess. That feeling of fog and haze. The floating out of body feel. I can't believe I slept so long. Even more, I'm not the least bit hungry. But there's a tray of food on the coffee table. Mini burgers, a blueberry pie, and chocolate milk. All my favorites. I look up at Severus who walks towards the Christmas tree.

"You haven't opened your gifts," he says.

I nibble on the edge of a burger, take a mouse bite of the pie, and a sip of the chocolate milk. My devastation of a life has taken my appetite. I give up on the food, not even my favorite things to eat can help.

"Granger, Weasley, and Potter all sent you something," he says looking down at the presents. I'm not surprised. "So did Draco," he continues. That, I'm surprised with. But I don't get up from my spot on the couch. I look over at the tree and count eight presents. I wonder who the other ones are from. Am I even friends with that many people?

Severus turns to face me. "Will you not open your gifts?"

I shake my head.

He breaths exasperatedly and sits down on the couch beside me. He takes out a small box from his robe pocket and hands it to me. A present. Black wrapping with a sheer silver bow. I wonder if he wrapped and tied it himself.

We look at each other for a while. I like this silence. I wish it could be silent forever. My fingers undo the bow and open the tear the paper. There's a velvet box and inside the velvet box is a necklace. The pendant is a clear orb with lines of white light inside it. Silver vines hold it in place and attaches to the cord. It's beautiful.

Severus doesn't wait for me to say anything. He takes the necklace and carefully latches it around my neck. The pendant is cool to the touch. The lights inside respond when I touch. They swirl and swim around slowly as if the lights are made of something living.

I get up from the couch and go upstairs to retrieve the present I have for him. I didn't get the chance to wrap it.

I take his hand and push the tiny vial into the palm of his hand. He looks down at it. There's a clear liquid in the vial and he raises his eyebrows at me.

"Felix Felicis," I say. These are the first two words that I've uttered in nearly two days.

He looks at me curiously and before he can ask, I answer. "No, I didn't brew it. Are you mad? I can't even put two ingredients together without turning them to glue... I bought it."

I have the strangest, most intense urge to kiss him.

At the end of the night, I take all my unopened gifts upstairs to my dorm where I proceed to open on my bed.

Hermione gave me a scarf. Harry, bags of sweets. And from Ron, a 'coupon good for one flying lesson'. I roll my eyes. Never in my life…

The other gifts were from Marcy my roommate, Neville Longbottom, and Justin Finch-Fletchley. A bag of make-up that I will never use. A book on plants, herbs and their uses—actually quite useful. And a journal, for all the words I will never have the courage to write, thanks Justin.

All these gifts from people I haven't even taken the time or effort to really get to know because I've been too wrapped up in my own sad life. I think back about how I felt this morning. So unhappy. So alone. Am I really that alone?

There's the one from Draco, which I hadn't opened. And one unmarked present, a framed picture of my parents. No note. No signature. Just my name. Odd.

I put the picture on my nightstand and open up Draco's present. It's very light, almost as if it's empty. When I open it, I'm basically right. Inside the box is a piece of parchment with his handwriting.

 _Dear Alice,_

 _I didn't know what to get you. At first I really wasn't going to get you anything. But then, after I came home for the holidays, I realized something. I miss you._

 _So I looked for a present to send you, but I couldn't find one that was good enough. I know you like meaningful things more than just material objects, so this is my gift to you._

 _I'm sorry for my broken promises. I'm sorry for assuming I still knew you. For taking you for granted. For keeping you a secret. For insulting you. For being a complete prat. And mostly, for treating you as though you were a property to be acquired. You're not. You're a person and I think somewhere along the way, between the wanting and needing you to be mine, I forgot that._

 _You deserve so much more than I can give you and I realize that now. I want you to be happy, that's all. And I still want to be a part of your life. So when I come for the holidays, can we just be us? You, Alice Taylor. Me, Draco Malfoy. No pretenses. No lies. No secrets._

 _I won't make anymore promises I can't keep, including this: I can't promise I won't fall in love you again, the real you this time. I hope that's alright with you._

 _Affectionately,_

 _Draco Malfoy_


	15. Chapter 15: Draco's Secret

**Chapter 15**

The snowflakes stick to everything and everything is white. My two layers of coats do nothing to help my shivering as I stand outside by the train tracks. I could have waited inside, but I saw the train coming from the window and couldn't wait any longer. My hair is frozen and my nose is numb, but as soon as the train stops in front of me, its roaring engines shaking my cold body, I fire back to life.

His blonde hair peeks out over the younger students as he steps off the train and the first thing he sees is me. We beam at each other as he walks towards me, quicker than his usual leisurely swagger. His arms wrap around me as we squeeze each other.

"Alice," he whispers into my frozen hair.

When he pulls back, his smile falters, "Does Snape know you're here?"

I roll my eyes, "Of course he does. He told me not to leave the castle, but when have I ever listened to him?" My grin weakens as my teeth chatter together.

From over his shoulders I can see The Trio: Hermione, Ron, and Harry. They're staring at me with odd looks, not exactly bad, but curious. I give them a smile before turning back to Draco who's leading me to the carriages.

Crabbe and Goyle sit across from us, confusion on their face. There was no room for Pansy in the carriage.

"We attended six galas. I thought it'd never be over," Draco was telling me all about his holiday as we pull up to the castle. He'd had an eventful one full of partying, but somewhere in his light hearted voice, I sensed a sadness. Not once did he mention his father. How different and painful it must be for him. I say nothing about it. I want our friendship to work and I know that if I push him, it won't.

After the dinner, I walk over to the Slytherin table and sit beside Draco.

Pansy immediately crosses her arms and glares at me, "What are you, attached to Draco now?"

Usually, I'd have sat there for a good long while waiting for Draco to speak up and defend me, only to find that he won't. But now, I don't have to wait.

"Alice is a Yaxley, remember them Pansy? One of the Sacred Twenty Eight pureblood families. She's the second to last of their line. She can sit wherever she wants," he says.

I try to hide my uncomfortableness. A pureblood. That was his defense. Wasn't being his friend enough of a reason to be able to sit with him? I push this thought away and focus on the fact that he's actually defending me this time.

Pansy sneers, "why is she in Hufflepuff then?"

"Because she can. Now hush it up or leave," he says coldly. I had never heard him talk this cold towards her, ever. Pansy scoffs, but doesn't say anything and remains where she is. Draco remains at the top, ever the princeling of the Slytherin house.

xxx

"You're back together?" Hermione asks during class. Harry and Ron are leaning in to hear the details like two gossipy girls.

"We were never together. But we are friends again," I explain. Hermione has been a good friend to me. We may not be close like she is with Ron and Harry, but it's a friendship that means a lot to me. She's only one of two girl friends I have, the other is Marcy and I find her too superficial. And unlike Marcy, Hermione never judges me. Sure, she questions me, but never judges.

"You need to be careful with him. And with Professor Snape," she whispers. The two boys nod. Hermione glares at them and shakes her head. Honestly, they can't just let us talk without having some input, even if it's just shaking their heads or nodding.

"What do you mean?" I ask, but I already know what she's going to say. It's going to have something to do with being Death Eaters. While I haven't asked Draco about it yet, I had asked Severus. He ignored my questions, his usual response to questions I ask that he doesn't want to answer. One of these days, I will make him give me answers. I just have to figure out how. My usual tactics of pouting and arguing never work.

"They both side with Voldemort," she says his name so casually. I feel unease, but not truly as frightened as most people.

"You don't know that," I say. But this time, Harry speaks up.

"Yes we do. I overheard Snape and Malfoy talking before the holidays. Draco has something planned, something dangerous and apparently Snape has made the un-" he says it outright.

"Harry!" Hermione interrupts him.

He shakes his head at them, "she needs to know! She's so close to the both of them. She needs to know what she's gotten herself into."

I remember Severus's words. The prophecy. My prophecy. Should I tell them? My need to keep the small number of friends I have overrule logic. "It's fine. You guys are worrying too much. There's nothing going on," I can't believe I'm actually lying to them.

"Look, I know that you think they're these bad people, but they're not. Professor Snape is not what he seems. All you see is how he is around students; you don't know what he's really like. And Draco is… misunderstood." Hopefully they'll believe me.

They give me skeptical looks.

"You never even gave Draco a chance," I say.

"I can't help it he's a git," Harry explains.

"Yea, he is. But that doesn't mean he's a bad guy. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he needed a friend like you when you first met?" I ask. "I'm sorry Harry. I don't blame you for anything. I just think that you're a good person and you would have been a really good influence on him had you guys tried."

They don't say anything. Perhaps I had guilted them too much, or perhaps they realize they can't get through to me.

"If for some reason Harry joins You Know Who, you wouldn't give up on him," I look at Hermione and Ron. "It's the same with me. I will never give up on Draco."

xxx

"Snape's still making you do private potion lessons? Merlin, is he ever going to give you a night off!? It isn't like he has the rights to you or anything," Draco complains to me after dinner. He's becoming more and more hostile towards Severus and I can't figure out why except that he's jealous. I can't ask Draco, I know I can't.

"You've been really aggressive towards Professor Snape lately, what's with you two? I thought you idolized him." I say softly, gently, like a person trying to calm an injured wild animal.

Draco shakes his head and looks at me. His face is pale and thin, he'd lost weight. I want to ask him, I want to ask him so badly what is going on with him because it's so evident that something is. But it'll only set him off. I have a love hate relationship with this new relationship of ours. Be friends with Draco and not question anything. Or question everything and lose his friendship. But he had told me he would hold no more secrets… So why am I so afraid? Maybe I don't trust him to hold up that bargain.

"Besides from your relationship with him?" he stops and scoffs before standing up. I follow as he walks out of the Great Hall.

"We don't have a relationship. It's… it's complicated," I sigh. He nods, but doesn't say anything.

Once we reach the dungeons and no one else is around, he turns to me. "It's not my business. You can love who you want to love. I just… can you blame me for being jealous?" He exhales deeply and leans his back against the wall, as if his body had just given up holding him together. "I really hate him now."

"It can't be just because of me."

He looks up at me. His striking grey eyes shoot into my heart and my insides begin to crumble. His face changes from hard and cold to soft and warm slowly. "It's a lot to do with you, but it's also something else."

This is it. This is my chance. I can ask him. He hasn't shot me down yet. I gather up the courage to ask, "What is the other thing then?"

"Do you really want to know?"

I nod.

He takes my hand and leads me up the stairs, out of the dungeons. We climb several flights of stairs like someone is after us. By the fourth floor, I'm winded. By the seventh, I'm ready to collapse. He leads me down the hall and we look at a blank spot on the wall. This gives me time to get my breathing back in order, but then something begins to appear on the wall. First the outlines of a door, then the wood, and finally the doorknobs.

"What's this?" I ask, breathless- but this time from awe.

He doesn't answer and instead leads me inside. The door closes behind us. The room is vast with a tall ceiling. Items litter the floor and stack upon each other up to the ceiling.

"It's where things go when they are lost. Or want to be rid of," he says as he leads me through the room. He seems to know where he's going. We stop in front of something that towers over us both and is covered by some sort of blanket or tapestry.

He takes both of my hands and looks at me directly. "Last chance to back out."

I look at the thing beside us, wondering what it could be. His secret? Then I look at him. I'd gone this far already. I nod.

Draco takes the cover off and the thing is revealed. It's a… large cabinet. I give him a confused look.

He takes a deep breath and opens it. There's nothing inside. My head begins to throb and I find it difficult to not wince in pain. Fear, anger, shame, doubt, and hate all balled into one dense entity hit me in the chest. It's getting hard to breathe, but I remain still and refuse to let whatever is going on inside me show through.

We stare at the emptiness until Draco finally speaks up. His voice is pained and full of astonishment as if he can't believe it himself. But there's purpose there. Wavering, but still evident. "I'm going to kill Dumbledore."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thanks to all my readers and specially Maurauderblood, MissingSecretsX, Galya, and SolarisSun


	16. Chapter 16: Heartless

**Chapter 16**

The first thing I felt like doing was laughing, but the seriousness of it all made me think otherwise. Draco was dead serious. It was not a joke, as I had so badly wanted it to be. Perhaps if I talked to him… No. Draco wouldn't say such a thing unless he was really going to do it. But the question was…

"Why?"

He looked at me as if looking at me pained him. He threw the tapestry over the cabinet again and turned away from me.

"I have no choice." He said.

"This is about You Know Who, isn't it?" I tilted my head to the side, trying to see his face, but he was looking down and away from me.

His blond head nodded. Then he turned back towards me before I could say or ask anything else. "Satisfied? Does knowing the answer make you feel better?" he glared at me, his expression and demeanor changing.

"What? No. I just wanted to—"

"Help?" he sneered and shook his head. "How are you going to help, Alice? Are you going to help me kill the Headmaster?" He was toying with me now. Sarcasm and hatred oozing from each word he spoke.

I backed away from him, "Stop! Why are you acting like this?"

"Because if I fail, he'll kill me. It's either him or me and I'm sorry, Alice, but I really don't want to die just yet!"

My lips shook and I knew what was coming next, but I refused to be weak around him. He needed help and what good would it have been if I just started crying? There was no point, no matter how out of my control it was. I didn't know Professor Dumbledore that well, in fact, I'd never really spoken to him. He's one of the most powerful wizards alive from everything I've read and heard about him. But I had no connection to him. It's wrong to kill, I know that. But when I look into Draco's eyes, there's really no other choice for me.

"I… I can help you," I force my body to not shake, but a shiver runs up and down my body like I've just jumped into a cold pool.

There's a twitch on the corner of Draco's lips, but nothing else. I feel like he expected me to say this, but then he begins to shake his head and looks down.

"No, Alice. You can't help." He begins to walk back towards where we came.

There's nothing I can say to make him believe me. But it doesn't matter, I don't need his permission. All that needs to happen is that the headmaster has to die so that Draco will be spared.

xxx

Following Dumbledore around is harder than I anticipated. First off, he goes to places I can't go because I neither have the right to go there or don't know the password, mostly it's both. I haven't exactly shaken off my need to follow the rules, so it's hard tailing someone when you aren't willing to break the rules. Second, he's always disappearing. Not in the 'I'm too slow to follow him' sense, but in the sense that he literally just disappears. And somehow, I haven't felt anything around him.

When I'm around other people, especially Draco and Severus, I can sense their feelings. How they feel, what they want to do. But not with Dumbledore, that man is as blank as a rock. Maybe I am batty. Maybe this is all just in my head, feeling things, predicting what people will do.

I gather my things as class ends, but Severus stops me.

"What is going on?"

I furrow my brows, but there's no hiding anything from him. I'm like an open book, so easy to read.

"Do not act stupid. You barely eat, or speak, or do much of anything. You looked down at your desk the entire class session. So let me ask you again, what is going on?"

I shrug and shake my head. It's better if I just don't speak, my voice might betray me.

He takes a deep breath, defeated. But as I break eye contact and begin to walk towards the door, I feel as if I've forgotten something. Or as if my mind had been—my eyes widen as I turn towards him quickly.

"You read my mind!" I shout angrily. "You said you would never do it again!"

The door shuts and he closes the gap between us, his hands around both of my tiny arms.

"How dare you even think about doing that!? Killing someone? You think it so easy to just kill another human being? And for what—"

"To save Draco!"

"It is not your responsibility to save him!" he hisses. "Listen to me. You do not want to go down this path. There is no going back from it."

I try to pull away, but his grip on me is too tight. "I won't let Draco die."

"Draco kills Dumbledore. Voldemort wins—with your help. The prophecy is complete. What about the other prophecies? The prophecies where Voldemort kills everyone? Is that what you want? Potter, Granger, Weasley—dead. Is that what you want?"

"Then help him," a single tear falls down my cheek.

His hold on me loosens, but he doesn't let me go.

"You told me once that Draco will need me, is this what you meant? I think you knew this was going to happen. So help him."

He merely looks at me and I know the answer. There's no migraine this time, only clarity and surety. I was wrong to love him. He, a man that couldn't make a single sacrifice to save someone else. He, who has never loved another.

"You want me to kill Dumbledore to save Draco?" he whispers. "I would rather die."


End file.
